TheGrafenbergSpot

Help me find my sanctuary.

2010-05-01T02:05:00.002+08:00

I've come to realise that facebook does not grant me the liberty to freely express all my inner thoughts. The reason why that is so is because a big part of my social network in real life is also hooked onto me in the virtual world. And there comes with it others' expectations of me.

It's tough.

It's tough when in the professional world I've made myself out to be someone of outstanding stature. People therefore expect me to always be great. Or it could be that subconsciously, I don't want people to think that I'm faltering too. Especially people I've influenced positively before. People who in their darkest hours have seen the light because of me. These people I don't want them to ever know that I'm depressed, lost, unhappy myself. For I don't want them to ever see that even someone who knows how important it is to see things positively can find it so difficult to find true happiness.

I've come to realise how important it is for me to have direction in life. I need to know where I'm going and what's going to happen. Right now, I don't have a direction and I don't know what's going to happen, even just, say, 6 months from now. My future is so uncertain and unpredictable, and that kills me.

Why is it just so hard to decide for myself what exactly I want in life?

What do I want?

Who am I?

I need a sanctuary where I can go to discover myself again. In this place, peace and everlasting true happiness shall be found. Not fleeting moments. Not misleading pathways that lead to betrayal. But everlasting peace and true happiness.

Who is my sanctuary?

Who is this person whom in her arms I shall fall asleep with a smile on my face?

When will she come to meet me?

and so it is...

2009-09-16T23:11:00.001+08:00

right here right now i really wonder why i gave up so much for her.

it's love i guess...that's what it should be about isn't it? a lot of sacrifices, a lot of giving up what once was to build what should be...it's all worth it if it's reciprocative and it's mutual...but it hurts so badly when the trust is betrayed and the feelings don't last a lifetime...

too much was at stake.

in hindsight, i feel like i've lost so much. so much of my time could have been better spent than to care two hoots to even contemplate building a future with a girl like her.

why doesn't she just get it?

it just shouldn't have been this way...for 3 years i've thought of nothing else but her...and this is how it ends...

why did i even bother?

something tells me it's time to move on...to find myself again, and live my life for me.

Quiet confidence

2009-07-22T23:52:00.002+08:00

I think there's an air of quiet confidence around me...I seem to have taken everything in my stride and pulled off something I thought had been quite hard for me to do...

Baby seems to have calmed down a bit...maybe she's finally beginning to realise how unreasonable she's been over the past few weeks...maybe this would turn out to be all's well that ends well after all...

I'm keeping my wits about me and staying calm about it. I think somehow my nonchalance is rubbing off on her and is starting to make her more receptive towards me...maybe she's starting to remember the me that she loves again...

*fingers crossed*

Can't care less now

2009-07-21T23:38:00.008+08:00

I think my mental resilience with regard to the whole issue has toughened up somewhat. Especially after mum called today to ask why I had to sleep in brother's room last night. She was furious at me being chased out of my room. I tried to explain to her that it was not me being chased out, but that it was a common agreement for us to not sleep together for now. I told mum to understand why the situation is the way it is today, telling her that I'd sort of seen this coming as far back as many months ago.

My conversation with mum got me thinking real hard. Her perspective on the issue was strong enough to shake me out of any delusions I still had about baby. Notwithstanding the fact that mum's a divorcee herself, her tough stance on the expectations of her daughter-in-law, and the fact that my marriage was not worth it if these basic expectations were not met, struck me hard.

In a sense she only reinforced my willingness to summon up the courage to end my relationship with baby if it really has to come down to that. I know if one day things really end up that way, mum will be there for me, like how she was there when I broke up with Yu. In fact, the heartening thing to know is that my whole family will be behind me. I'm not sure if it's a good thing, but just like I mentioned last night, I'm starting to find that there's really nothing I will not be able to overcome.

Of course I don't wish things to turn out that way. Of course I still want us to have a happy wedding come September, and for baby to come to her senses and to realise how unreasonable she's been about her expectations of me over the past few weeks. My senses tell me now I'd probably forgive her for all the negative things that she's done if she really manages to wake up, and still put in my best effort to organise a great wedding which would not just be a show, but would have true meaning to our relationship.

But Mum told me today that I had to be very sure about baby, to understand that if she's capable of doing this to me now, there's nothing that will stop her from repeating her childish, self-centred acts in future. Mum said I had to be willing to take this happening to me for the rest of my life, to always play second fiddle and not say a word in protest of baby's unreasonable expectations of me.

Baby borrowed my book about Partners in Life. Last I saw it was lying forgotten in her locker in the salon. I'm not sure how much of it she's read, but in any case I'm really surprised, and disappointed, at the deep sense of (selfish) self-interest she's shown over the past few weeks. Over our long talks, I listened to her explain for instance how she felt it was an obligation for me to buy starbucks coffee for her every weekend, but that I couldn't even fulfil that simple task for her.

I'm not sure why I didn't explain to her, that I felt that although it was not wrong to expect something like this from a husband, it was wrong to blame him, and to want to take him to task for not doing it. I always felt that acts of love were only meaningful if it came from one's heart. In this sense, I always felt more happy buying her coffee whenever I felt like doing it, rather than when I was being asked to. The cup of coffee just has a lot more meaning when it's bought in self-willingness, and out of love, rather than when it's being forced upon you.

Over our long talks, baby seems to have laid out all the terms and conditions about our marriage in her favour. The general sense is that there's a lot I should be doing, but haven't done, for her. In any case, I feel I've always tried to do my best. Yes I admit I may have neglected her recently, and may have placed less importance on our wedding than I should have, but deep inside me, I've always only wanted the best for baby.

Baby seems to want me to change and overhaul myself for her, which to a large extent I think I've tried to do in many ways. But just how much can you change a person? It seems ironic that she's hinting at that while insisting on the fact that she'll always be her as she is, and there's nothing I can do to influence the kind of life she wants to lead. Last I remembered, marriage was about sacrificing and compromising for each other.

I have a strong urge to just tell baby, look at me now. This is me and this is what you're gonna get. There's much I'm willing to sacrifice and compromise and do for you, but you just can't change me to suit yourself completely, because while I can try to change as much of me to suit you, I'm never going to be a perfect fit for you. So decide for yourself once and for all if you're willing to live with this me for the rest of your life. If so, I promise I'll do my best to meet your expectations. If not, then stop wasting my time and let me move on.

My ironic sense of resilience tells me I'm going to survive this ordeal and end up an even stronger person than I already am now, no matter what comes out of it.

Baby

2009-07-20T23:04:00.002+08:00

Maybe it's a nice thing that many don't remember this blog...so I can write whatever I want on it and not be afraid that my secrets would be let out...one would ask, then why even bother posting your thoughts on the internet for all to see...the strange thing about me blogging is it's able to provide me with this weird kind of consolation of sorts by putting me under a sense of illusion that i'm talking to somebody...that somebody actually hears my thoughts, and feels for me. It's here that I feel I'm able to say whatever I wanna say without any inhibitions at all. It's here where I feel safest right now...hiding in some strange corner of the virtual world we so intimately call the internet...strange as it may be...

If only I could really make myself vanish from the real world right now into some virtuality...I don't really wanna die you see...but I don't really wanna exist either...so I figure somewhere in virtuality would be nice. Anyway that's kinda how I feel right now. The things that have happened with baby the past few weeks have seemed so surreal...I'm still struggling to believe that it's all happening to me. Somehow bad things always happen when my loved ones leave me for abroad...somehow when they come back they always bring back with them bad news. Zhi, I remember, decided once and for all that I was not the one for her after her trip to the US, I think it was, with RX. Yu, decided to get hitched with a French man during her stay in France. Now baby thinks I'm not the one for her after all, after her trip back home to Ipoh.

I'd had very bad moments in my life before, especially towards the end of my relationship with Yu, when I really felt like the world was not worth living for. I emerged from that relationship a very very much stronger person than I was, and since then, never really looked back into that phase in my life. My encounter with Yu made me realise nothing could not be overcome. Not even finding out that the one you love has slept with another man. Not that baby has. I'm sure baby has not, although I'm not very pleased with this particular guy friend of hers who's been working on her mind against me, or so I think. I haven't asked her much about him, partly because I don't know how to bring it up, given the way things are now between me and her, and also partly because I think there's no point, since she's only going to become even more defensive about herself and how she sees us right now if I bring him into the picture.

I'm not sure what exactly is his motive. I won't be surprised if he's thinking of bedding her, and so he's trying to spoil baby's wedding plans in order to achieve that goal. One of the reasons why I married baby was because I trusted her to be a very sensible woman who would always think through issues rationally before acting. I always thought she would be able to differentiate the bad from the good, and know who's sincere and for real, and who's pulling a fast one on her.

It just seems like this time she's getting it all wrong. In a situation like this, it does take a lot for one to see all sides of picture before making the most logical and informed decision to take the correct actions. Particular so since the whole saga started by baby feeling that she was out of place in my world. In that sense, she's already put herself in her own box, thinking only for herself without a care for the impact she's causing on other's lives. Whatever the guy's intentions are, she's only willing to selectively listen to things that reinforce her own beliefs anyway, so comments that play to my advantage kinda wouldn't really help for all that matters.

Just what will it take to swing her back to reality? She's living in her own little princess world now without a care for what's happening outside. Is there really a place for self-centredness in this world? How do people who only think of themselves and their own interests survive and do well? Last I remembered, marriage was about two people committing their lives to taking care of and supporting each other and their feelings til the day they die. If she had felt that I'd taken her for granted, why wouldn't she say so earlier, but erupt like a volcano without warning, and subsequently shut out any attempts to calm her down? Just what would it take for her to see who's sincere about taking care of her for the rest of her life? How could she, for all that's been done for her, only think about what's not been done? Why does she only want to see the dirty side of the picture?

When baby kept hinting, about a year ago, that I should marry her, I had a hard time convincing myself that it was indeed the right time, and that she was indeed the girl I would want to spend the rest of my life with. It took me a lot, to finally convince myself to commit to it. I finally told myself that she was the one worth dedicating my life to.

Now it all seems to me that after the thrill of getting engaged and married, and for that matter, after the thrill of getting her PR, that she doesn't want to play this game anymore. It seems to me she doesn't realise though that this is not just a game you pick up and let go just as you wish. Maybe baby didn't realise she was toying with a man's lifetime commitment to her.

I was recalling to baby how, over the past 8 years or so, how I'd dealt with my broken family, funded myself through university, overcome the fact that Yu cheated on me, and worked hard to secure what I have in my career. What else could I not overcome? Throw what you have at me and see how I can overcome it. Try me.

Where's this gonna end up? I seriously do not know. If at the end baby thinks I'm not worth it, and she's had enough of me, so be it. I'm beginning to think if self-centredness should be met with generosity and forgiveness. If she only cares about herself, then why marry me in the first place? Like she said, there's a limit to how much one can take. She thinking about herself, and me thinking just for her, will simply not work in a long-term relationship. When will she start to do things for me, and not ask for anything in return?

Will she ever?

The man at the foot of the mountain

2009-07-16T23:50:00.002+08:00

There was once a man who loved running. He would run all day, pretty much enjoying himself doing so. One day when he was running, he met a woman who was running too. They struck up a conversation and soon discovered that both of them loved running. And so they ran together. Day after day, from sunrise to sunset, they would run, covering great distances together.

One day, the woman had a great idea. She realised that they’d always been running on flat ground, and felt that it was time to take it to the next level. She had become bored with running on flat ground all the time, and convinced herself that this was the right time to make things a little more exciting. Believing that she was ready for it, she asked the man to climb a mountain with her.

The man was not receptive to the idea at first, wondering if it was indeed time for such a change. But seeing the woman’s resolve and determination, he convinced himself that they would be able to do meet the challenge, and agreed. The man and the woman signed a binding agreement, that they would climb this mountain and get to the other end no matter what happens along the way, and that they would help each other along the way so the both of them would walk the journey hand-in-hand.

Filled with ecstasy, the woman announced to all her friends and relatives that she was going to climb a mountain with the man. Her friends and relatives were thrilled, and couldn’t wait to see them accomplish the task.

The man and the woman prepared hard for the challenge. They trained together, and bought climbing equipment for themselves too.

The day finally came for them to climb the mountain. The woman’s friends and relatives eagerly gathered at the other side of the mountain, waiting to see the man and the woman successfully make it up and down to meet them there.

But the strangest thing happened. When they arrived at the foot of the mountain, the woman suddenly began wondering if she would be able to accomplish the task. She started to worry, about how high the mountain would be, whether the slopes would be steep, if the road up would be slippery, and if she would slip and fall along the way. She started to think that maybe this was not such a good idea after all, and began to walk away.

The man was shocked at the woman’s sudden u-turn of emotions. He had thought that this was the time when they both should be most excited about taking the challenge, and be looking forward to it. He was confident that they could make it, and he could not understand why the woman was reacting in the way she did.

Taken aback, he confronted her and asked her why she was backing out of the challenge. Faced by the pressure of the man’s expectations, and those of her friends and relatives, she began to retreat even more into herself. She asked to be left alone, and to return to her happy old days running on flat ground.

The man said, “Ok. Take your time. Catch your breath. I’ll be waiting at the foot of the mountain for you. When you’re ready, come and look for me, I don’t know what lies ahead. The mountain may be high, and the slopes may be steep, and along the way, we may slip and fall, but as long as you’re with me, we’ll conquer this mountain hand-in-hand.”

Ending 1:

The woman thought long and hard for days. She asked herself if she would indeed be able to accomplish the task. She knew the man was waiting for her at the foot of the mountain, and that her friends and relatives couldn’t wait to meet them at the other side. She knew she had an agreement with the man, and she knew that it was unfair of her to do this to him.

Finally, she made up her mind. She told herself that she needed to face up to the challenge, and not run away and hide from the problem. She understood that she had signed a binding agreement with the man, and it was unrighteous of her to back out now.

So, the woman went back to meet the man at the foot of the mountain. He was overjoyed to see her. Grabbing her hand, he started climbing, and pulled her along the way. They climbed the steep slopes, overcame the slippery roads, and wiped each other’s injuries along the way. The challenge was not easy, but because they had faith in each other, and supported each other along the way, they finally made it to the top, and waved down and smiled at the friends and relatives who knew that they had indeed accomplished a wonderful chapter of their lives.

Ending 2:

The woman thought long and hard for days. She asked herself if she would indeed be able to accomplish the task. She knew the man was waiting for her at the foot of the mountain, and that her friends and relatives couldn’t wait to meet them at the other side. She knew she had an agreement with the man, and she knew that it was unfair of her to do this to him.

But alas, the woman could not overcome her fears. She decided never to go back to look for the man waiting for her at the foot of the mountain. She didn’t want to face up to him and to her friends and relatives. She gave up on her own challenge, gave up on herself. She returned to running on flat ground, but she never found joy doing so, always wondering if she would ever have made it with the man.

The man, after waiting in silence for a hundred years, decided to find out how difficult it was to climb the mountain, and he began on the journey up the mountain himself. In doing so, he discovered that the slopes were not as steep as he expected, and that the roads were not as slippery, and that the peak of the mountain was not that high anyway. He discovered that this mountain was not that difficult to climb after all, and if only the woman had thought this way. Nevertheless, he continued on his journey up. When he reached the peak, he broke down and cried. There was no satisfaction, no joy. The challenge had been to climb the mountain together with the woman, and there had been promising hope of happiness, if only the woman had not broken the binding agreement. The man was filled, with grief, and a helpless sense of emptiness.

CT230R

2007-03-25T18:06:00.000+08:00

Fastest road car in Japan...

Singaporean, after all...

2006-07-28T21:05:00.000+08:00

12 more days to National Day. Plans for a Bali holiday being scraped, it means I'll be home on the 9th of August to watch NDP 2006, where Singapore would celebrate her 41st year of Independence.

As much as some might be scornful of others for being overly patriotic or passionate about one's country, I wouldn't hesitate to admit that I believe the 9th of August should be an occasion that is totally worth celebrating. Perhaps it may appear more obvious to me how much progress the nation has made in a short 41 years of self-government because of my having been overseas for the past 4 years. I feel often one needs to go outside to be able to appreciate better what is on the inside. Having resided in the UK and in France for a substantial period of time, and having travelled to America and to other countries in Europe, I believe I have been exposed to a variety of cultures - different people, different schools of thought, different ideas, different ways of doing things - which many who haven't had the chance to do travel abroad would not. I feel sometimes Singaporeans become too caught up in seeing the negative side of things, like GST increases, taxi fare hikes, that they forget how far Singapore has come and how well we have done as a nation. It is easy to take for granted the elaborate public transport network that has been painstakingly constructed over the years, the constantly well-maintained expressways throughout the country that link residential housing estates to the city area and the central business district, the up-and-coming plans to build an integrated resort to fulfil our economic and social goals as well as to give ourselves a bigger name on the world map, the health and social security provided by the carefully planned and managed CPF, the political and economic stability that are not present purely by chance, but due to the hard work that we ourselves have put in over the years.

Today, Singaporeans can go about their daily lives and feel safe to walk about on the streets albeit intensifying global security threats because we know our F16 Fighting Falcons can be activated at the touch of a button to intercept any intrusions into our airspace, and our naval frigates can be called upon 24/7 to counter any sea-borne threats. But it is not just about defending our sovereignty. The Ministry of Defence spends 1 in 3 of the nation's budget for good reason. Many fail to see the link between military might and the economic growth of a nation, because it is not immediately obvious that a country with a sound defence is insurance and security for foreign companies looking to invest locally and for foreign traders to conduct business with. With a strong Armed Forces, Singapore continues to attract foreign investors and ensure that our GDP continues to grow, so it is all inter-related. It should be bore in mind, as the dynamics of global politics change under the influence of the big players on the world stage, that Singapore must be agile, nimble, focused and determined to adapt accordingly in order to keep up and protect not only our existence as a nation, but our prosperity as one.

But besides the macro-picture, don't forget the little things that give us our identity as a nation. One will not necessarily understand the meaning of "heartlander", "kopitiam", "teh-c-peng", "cheese prata" and what not unless one is Singaporean or like Neil Humphreys has spent a large amount of time immersing himself in our culture and exposing himself to the Singapore way of life, and loving most of it. I have foreign friends who have come to Singapore to work and find it hard to even think of going back to their homeland because they have adapted so much to the quality and our way of life. Of course it is always good and important to be critical in constructive ways but I think Singaporeans also need to remember and appraise how much we have accomplished as a nation, and on National Day this year, salute the Singapore State Flag as it flys past Kallang Stadium with pride, because it represents, among other things, the sweat of our forefathers, the spirit of our people, the peace and security of our homeland, and above all, the sovereignty of our nation.

Happy Birthday, Singapore.

Picture perfect! =p

2006-07-20T19:41:00.000+08:00

RRM gets new wheels!!!

2006-07-20T19:07:00.000+08:00

RRM at the workshop...look at them 'ol wheels come off!

Awww my poor baby ain't got no wheels!

Don't worry baby, I'll get you fixed...

Here comes the cure!

There you go darling...

Now that's better...you look more grown up now! =p

Meet RRM my DC5!!!

2006-07-17T21:17:00.000+08:00

Ok folks, after 3 weeks of waiting, it's here!!! My DC5!!! My Honda Integra Acura RSX...hee hee...

Trinz says it should be named Ralph...Viv says Marco and Ning says Roger...so there you go...meet Roger Ralph Marco, my DC5...

Dear RRM, hang on my baby, I'll get you sorted, I'll get you a nice type-r rear wing, buy you bigger and nicer rims, give you skirts...make you look more like a mean machine...=)

At least, the mission is from this...

to this! =p

Trance-mission!

2006-07-17T20:41:00.000+08:00

Woohoo! Been a while since I had so much fun dancing the night away...Trance rocks...and for once, MOS didn't disappoint...or maybe it was the Bacardi 151 that did the trick...=) But man when they played Beautiful Things and Silence...what could you say man what could you say...

Yve, the jet setting party princess said, "I'm such a trancehead. T/d-ed 2145 hrs. 2215 I was still waiting for Mum to pick me at the airport. But I was intent on keeping my appointment with the monthly Transmission (Trance night) at MOS. I just had the feeling that it was going to be good. Thought I'd take my new Boing ball for a trot about town. And did we bring alot of attention. There were those who just kept wanting to snatch Boing from me. Then there were those who just wanted to 'borrow' Boing. REally? You think I believe? Haha Boing stays with me for now.

The music was again awesome. They played Beautiful Things by Andain (and I was completely thrilled that some kids on the dance floor knew the song too). Silence (which made Desmond's night). Fire (which had Bernard and me jumpin'). As the Rush Comes (which Shawn insists was Traffic). And 7 Cities by Solar Sound I think which Bernard will download for me soon.

Drinks. Bacardi 151 burns and burns. Everyone was talking about The Burn even on Sunday. I ordered 10 jaggerbombs for 7 of us. And creamed the rest. Was taught the proper way to drink it is to drop the shotglass in and down the rest of it. The rest had Flamings' - yeah they really wanted to get high quick. But for me, the night ended at Bacardi 151."

Thanks Yve my super duper trance kaki, the jet setting party princess, for the wonderful night. Let's do this again ok...and again, and again, and again...=p

Tiësto pics and WKRZ!!!

2006-07-14T19:01:00.000+08:00

Yay more Tiësto pics as promised! =p By the way dudes in SG, if you all haven't come to realise, WKRZ 91.3 plays superb mixes of trance/house tracks every weekday night from 7pm onwards!!! Perfect for the drive out after work!!! And just in case anyone reading this wants a taste of it, it's here, weeknights after 7pm!!!

Pics, friends, life, DC5!

2006-07-11T23:14:00.000+08:00

Hmm...it's been a while...but then again, it hasn't been that long has it, since that last post on tiesto? Actually I've only been back what, slightly more than 2 weeks but yet it seems like I've been back a long long time...

Leaving all of london behind...well...maybe not all...but you know what I mean...back home I'm always a little more mellowed...down-to-earth...settled...Yes I still do all the weekend stuff, but work is tiring and you just don't go out as much and socialise and talk as much...

But well...you gotta enjoy life while you can...and so I do...at least while I still can...can't wait for my DC5 man...that'll at least perk things up a little =p

Tiesto @ Brixton. Fucking brilliant...

2006-06-18T20:17:00.000+08:00

Fucking hell. Never spent ₤30 on anything more worth it than this. Tiesto in concert, live trance mixes by him, the man, DJ Tiesto, at the Carling Academy in Brixton, heart-thumping bass and extreme euphoria all at the same time. The set was amazing. Tiesto in the middle of the stage like a trance god, huge screens to the left and right of him showing In Search of Sunrise themes and live video feeds of Tiesto doing his stuff. My gosh how he enjoys doing his stuff. Freakin' trance god. And then the sound system. Freakin' Pioneer sound system must cost millions...freakin' bass to send your heart thumping...

I tell you, nothing can be compared to this. Six straight hours of PROPER RAVE. Proper, proper rave. You look around and you only see freakin' hardcore ravers, all in a world of their own, enjoying freakin' Tiesto. And then he plays Traffic, and the huge pioneer sound system thumps. Thump thump thump. Thump thump thump thump thump. Then no more bass. And then he plays Empty Streets, and then euphoria. Then you look up and watch the lights... freakin' euphoria. Then it builds up again, slowly, slowly, slowly, then faster, then faster, then faster, then BAM... Then thump thump thump. Thump thump thump thump thump... Woooo! It was crazy. Crazy proper rave shit.

If you ask me, guys, this is at least 5 times better than Wildchild at Heaven, and guys, if you all, Bing, Vince, Viv, Ning, Nicole, Muz, Shawn, Yvonne and all were there, man I tell you, this would have been 10 times better than Wildchild at Heaven. How I missed you guys last night. How it would have been out of this world to totally let go and be in the arms of each and every one of you...freakin' enjoying Tiesto mixes and being in great company, like Tzelin said, 'my gosh...I love this feeling...good music, great friends...'

More pictures to come, once Tzelin sends them to me. For now, if the smile's not meant to be...if the heart's not ready to open...if we make it I won't see...how it's broken...=p

Silence.

2006-06-12T14:42:00.000+08:00

Heaven holds a sense of wonder, and I wanted to believe that I'd caught up, when the rage in me subsides. In this white wave, I am sinking, in this silence. In this white wave, in this silence, I believe...

The power of perception.

2006-06-11T22:50:00.000+08:00

How useful it is I sometimes find my uncanny ability to foresee certain things before they actually happen. It gives me a kind of mental preparation and when it does happen I then go, 'see, told you so...', or 'there you go, you didn't have to lie to me, i know.'

In a way if after all I'm not gifted with some natural ability of a certain sixth sense, then I think it's at least about training your mind to be able to think objectively and to see things rationally, putting more rationality in it than you ever want to. It's about remembering past experiences, especially the bad ones, learning from them and teaching yourself to adapt quickly. It's about seeing things for what they are and not what one thinks one wants them to be. Face the facts and act on the truths, instead of wishing if it could be like this or if it could be like that. What ifs only give you a false sense of security.

Hiding yourself away in pretence and escapism is only about living a lie. Stop trying to fool everyone, including yourself. I find it most pathetic. Because if it's going to happen, nothing's going to stop it from happening so you might as well learn how to deal with it now.

At least that's the way I see it.

A taste of vocal trance...

2006-05-13T11:32:00.000+08:00

Graffy's still desperately trying to find a new (and free!) music host for TheGSpot. Life sux without music...and TheGSpot feels like a woman without one...suffering from a total lack of stimulation...so if any of you out there knows any music hosting websites, graffy could use a little help...=p

Before that anyway, have a taste of vocal trance. This is Beautiful Things by Andain, which has been remixed by a few DJs including Tiesto. Personally I really like the Godskitchen Summer Trance 2006 version but use the link and listen to the radio edit before anything else...I do have to apologise that you won't be able to listen to the whole song as they do expect people to buy their music (which is silly)...but at least more than half the song is uploaded...=)

Andain - Beautiful Things

Got up early, found something's missing
my only name.
No one else sees but I got stuck,
and soon forever came.

Stopped pushing on for just a second,
then nothing's changed.
Who am I this time, where's my name
I guess it crept away.

No one's calling for me at the door.
And unpredictable won't bother anymore.
But silently
it gets harder to ignore.

I forgot that I might see,
so many beautiful things.

Take this happy ending away,
it's all the same.
God won't waste this simplicity
on possibility.

Get me up, wake me up, dreams are filling
this trace of blame.
Frozen still I thought I could stop,
now who's gonna wait.

No one's calling for me at the door.
and unpredictable won't bother anymore.
But silently
it gets harder to ignore.

Look straight ahead,
there's nothing left to see.
What's done is done,
this life has got it's hold on me.
Just let it go,
what now can never be.

Now I do what I do.
Can I change my mind?
Did I think things through?

It was once my life, it was my life at one time.

Bugatti 16.4 & Ronnie 147

2006-05-09T20:54:00.000+08:00

I'd just come back from shopping for a month's worth of groceries haha. That should keep me home-bound for a while. I've got my final lab report on intake flow to finish writing up and a rather intensive 5 week long project on aircraft wear to keep me busy. Well...it's more like I'll be home- and imperial-bound more than anything else. Of course there's the occasional breathers to look forward to still, like Fongtien in London then Yvonne in London and Armin van Buuren and Goo Goo Dolls, but I guess it's time I try to focus a little and put in some effort in the final lap towards my MEng of UOL and ACGI. Who knows maybe the Finsbury medal might still be within grasp? =p

Anyhows, I couldn't believe I saw THIS today. I was so damned excited I thought I was going to call Jas and Tong and Esther and Viv and all to tell them about the sighting. The Bugatti freakin' Veyron. Fastest and most powerful road-machine ever built by mankind (c.f. "Celebrate this - Bugatti Veyron 16.4" - posted by Grafenberg, Tuesday, December 20, 2005). It was crazy I went wild when I saw it. It was parked outside the Royal Albert Hall, and people were so excited about it the owner had to put up barriers to stop people touching his precious. But ooh...it was cowabunga-ly awesome seeing the real thing right in front of my eyes.

And then finally someone had the decency to upload Rocket Ronnie's record breaking 147 onto YouTube. Guys, you have to watch this, whether or not you know the game of snooker, only that if you do you would basically go orgasmic, trembling at every shot he takes even though you know the end result is he clears up all 21 balls on the table in maximum scoring fashion, and all this within 5 mins and 20 seconds. This is THE snooker god at work. Sheer ultimate brilliance and adrenalin pumping stuff. And like Jam said notice how he speeds up his game as he progresses, playing faster and faster the more crucial it is not to miss. What can you say...this is pure, instinctive natural talent and nothing else. Incidentally, by compiling the fastest ever 147 in the world, he earned himself £165,000, a whopping £515 per second. No wonder nowadays he says he's bored of the game. Like I was telling Nicole, it's like he's completed a computer game. Reached the final round and killed the last stage king. It's like the game to him is simply no more challenge. But man what a genius...

So there...2 amazing works of art to light up my day haha. Otherwise things are pretty much calmer after the storm. It'd been a whirlwind ride, 但只安心虽饱经了风霜, 总算是风平浪靜, 雨过天晴...

我一路向北

2006-05-07T18:02:00.000+08:00

Haha...my own version of 一路向北...

後視鏡裏的世界越來越遠的告別
你轉身向背側面還是很美
我用眼光去追竟看見我的淚

在倫敦街上排徊是我錯失的機會
你站的方位跟我中間隔著淚
街景一直在後退你的崩潰在夢外零碎

我一路向北離開有你的世界
其實我好累已無法再愛上誰
風在山路吹過往的畫面誰都沒有不對
卻是慚愧人傷人幾回

後視鏡裏的世界越來越遠的告別
你轉身向背側面還是很美
我用眼光去追竟看見我的淚

在倫敦街上排徊是我錯失的機會
你站的方位跟我中間隔著淚
街景一直在後退你的崩潰在夢外零碎

我一路向北離開有你的世界
其實我好累已無法再愛上誰
風在山路吹過往的畫面誰都沒有不對
卻是慚愧人傷人幾回

我一路向北離開有你的世界
方向盤周圍回轉著我的思念
我加速超越卻甩不掉緊緊跟隨的傷悲
卻是慚愧人傷人幾回

停止狼狽就讓錯純粹

Fool's paradise

2006-05-04T22:07:00.000+08:00

Take me to fool's paradise,

Where happiness is but illusory and evanescent.

Immerse me in my quixotic ideals,

And let me wander in exuberance.

Leave me there in my dreamscape.

Let me soar and levitate.

Allow me to submerse in delusive contentment,

and pardon my restlessness.

And once all this is over,

Forgive my fears and comprehend my emotions.

Don't think me as dirtbag and despicable,

I am already conscience-stricken, guilt-ridden.

After all I am but person,

Vulnerable and easy prey to the harsh truths of life.

S'il ne faut que l'on me regarde dans les yeux pour que l'on sache,

Que ce n'est pas toujours facile being me.

Mais bon...love t'amène la joie et love te détruit en même temps...

I guess it's better to just be free.

Bacardi Breezer Rum Refresher & Synaesthesia En-Motion Mix

2006-04-29T13:39:00.000+08:00

It's 1:38am in the morning and I'm pumped. I'm sitting here in my chair, in my studio room in london, sipping my bacardi breezer and having my trance play from my lost computer...

That's me! Hahaha...messing about at almost 2 in the morning with the crap VGA camera on my nokia phone (yes the pilfered one!)...

Oh how I'm going to miss this place. The studio's brilliant. I remember I was torn between getting this one or a much (pretty much) smaller one for 40 pounds less a week. Yes in the end it's quite a splurge but the place is brilliant lah. I mean just look at it. Day or night this place is just perfect. I do my cooking and eat and watch my tv, or listen to chillout while I'm in the shower, or read the newspapers with the curtains open, basking in the early spring sunshine. It's ultimate independence you get. Freedom to do whatever you want. And there's never a better time to do it than at this age.

My friends in singapore can't hear enough about how I'm in love with london, and my friends in london can't get enough about how I can't wait to go back to singapore. You know guys, like I was telling vince and vivien, I just wanna be everywhere you know, everywhere where you guys are, coz you guys are the lot, and you guys rock. All of you. Every single one of you. I do sometimes wish london and singapore were the same place you know, but really actually I like london and singapore for quite different reasons, except for the common thing that I have friends who rock in both places. =p

But today was great. I'd decided to take that little break we all need from studying and do hyde park and watch snooker and stuff. You feel why londoners live for spring...I mean like how beautiful was hyde park! All the ducks and the swans at the round pond...there were little ducklings even see them in the pic! Then there's the dog who ran up to me and there's the setting sun...

Hmm...I miss marmee, miss trinz and jan and phil and tong and zy and all...miss the late night mahjong and the laziness at tanjong beach. Can you believe trinz that my skin is still peeling from km8?!?! Viv will tell you...hahaha! I miss me esther babes, but here in london it was great seeing vince and viv and muz and shawn and all...I'm dying to go clubbing!!! Tiesto @ mos just wasn't satisfying...my gosh the place was so packed even sardines would have felt threatened...not to mention these crazy girls who borrowed my funky ice cubes and never returned them to me. Sorry bing! =(

But crap...I'm gonna hafta sit through my last paper on tuesday first...and then get a head start on my project before I start party partying!!!

Gosh...how I'm having the time of my life. =)

For what they were worth...

2006-04-21T23:23:00.000+08:00

The past three weeks in pictures...=p

From the little princess...

2006-04-04T06:12:00.000+08:00

Ok this one's not my post...just something extracted from trinz's because the thoughts are shared...alwayz our little princess trinz!!! =)

"Monday, April 3

awake and counting

i am surprisingly awake for someone who has well, gone without sleep for almost 19 hours.my best buddy bernard is back from london and we had a long overdue dinner with the rest of DA BOYS at crystal jade yesterday evening. our little reunion dinner - solely my interpretation. =)) but it was so good to just see everyone and then hang out at loof for a bit. i'm a horrible horrible friend honestly. i am starting to re-evaluate my decisions - how i so often choose work over everything else. anyways, we decided that since i had some partyworld voucher, we should round off the night with a few hours of K-ing and well, can i just say on behalf of bernard and myself - we are pretty much all K-ed out. i don't think i'll see the interiors of a KTV lounge / hold a (most likely germ-infested) mike / lip-synch to sexy naughty bitchy (by TATA YOUNG!) for a while yet. a month is probably a good and long enough time to erm, recuperate. after lots of chicken nuggets, fruits, ice honey water and jay chou (!!! yayy !!!) we decided to head to NUS for a few rounds of mahjong. i thought it would be real chopchopsteadysteadypompipi and i'd be home in no time at all - tucked into bed and ready for work bright and early this monday morning. but alas - that was not to be. 6AM and we were JUST ALMOST done with mahjong and zhangyang and bernard were pretty much sending me down a guilt-trip with the "ok you are sooo not going home because ONE we HAVE TO finish the game and TWO you have been MIA for long enough"not that i minded really. even though i lost $19 (technically).we finally wrapped up at about 7AM and had breakfast at fong seng. YUMS. we were reminiscing about moments shared in RJ - the stupid silly things we used to say and do. honestly, the two best years of my life. i've said that time and time again but in my case, it really is true. lucky for you if those secondary school days were great but uh-uh not for me. ANYWAYS, these boys really made my days in RJ. they've seen me through my growing pains and i've seen them through theirs. i've seen them heartbroken and they've seen me through some of my lowest points. each and everytime they do well (as they are daily), i am so extremely beamingly proud of them and i'm sure in their own little way, they're proud of me too. because i'm their little princess. =))) well, at least i HOPE SO. i returned home this morning to get ready for work albeit supersleepy but feeling all warm and fuzzy inside. it was a nice way to start the morning/week but i sure can't let this become a habit. my sleeptime is waaay too precious and significant sleep deprivation must be saved for these rare and special occasions. i am itching though for more rounds of mahjong. rarrrr~! help! i need help!i can feel myself fading away ever so slowly...........................................................oh yikes. another few more hours to go. pray for me y'all.
the princess spluttered at 1:11 PM"

Aloof...

2006-04-04T04:15:00.000+08:00

Hmm...been a while since my last post...my fukken internet at home always seems to suffer from fukken PMS whenever I'm back...and hence the lack of graffy's cyber activities...it doesn't help that I'm missing my friends in london and my stewpid msn just ain't workin'...in fact at 4.18am in the morning right here right now, I'm at the NUS Sports Club using a PC which does have a proper internet connection...it's bloody stewpid I can't even check my email at home...grrr...but it helps that your best pal from secondary school is the current NUS Sports Club President! =) And anywayz to add to my internet woes, graffy's music player is experiencing technical difficulties...but hopefully it'll be back up and running soon enough...I just can't live without music.

Other than the stewpid internet, being home has been FANTASNIFICENT!!! (Don't you just like making up new words haha...) Yes it's been super fantastic meeting up with my old friends - people I missed so much - and it's been super magnificent going clubbing with the old friends as well as with some new ones I've met...

Thursday night I'd met up with Trina...trinz you can always count on haha! Supper at Geylang was perfect for my first night back...we'd talked about many things over our dou jiang you tiao, and actually went ktving at partyworld after that!!!

Friday Janice was surprisingly free so I'd met her up for coffee...that silly girl is having a crush haha!!! Coffee is always great with jan...=) We just spend too little time together given that we're such good friends...but I guess that's part of what makes the friendship special too...=)

Friday night was super good fun haha! Trance trance and more trance before supper at river valley...how I'd missed the london crew...

Nothing beats saturday night though...I'd met up with THE GUYS saturday night. My good old pals, the most decent guys on earth...ZY, Tong, Jas, Phil (together with trinz our little princess)...too bad Lest wasn't there...but see pictures pictures pictures taken at Loof!!!

And yes peeps I did my hair!!! I'd been wanting to do it for such a long time already ha! And guess what peeps, I just can't believe that like how jan's having a crush I'm actually having one too on my hairdresser esther babes!!! Help me peeps!!! Hahaha!

And friends are friends forever...

2006-03-27T15:59:00.000+08:00

I chanced upon these pics on Tiff's friendster...the guy's ZY, my good old pal since secondary school, and the girls are "his NUS babes", Tiff and Sharon.

The pics bring a smile to my face really...

Seeing friendships so closely knit just makes my heart melt...

Somewhere in london.

2006-03-25T14:43:00.000+08:00

I'm sitting on a comfortable bed somewhere in bayswater...the smell of rain coming in from the english world outside. The sky's a little misty grey...the rain from last night's stopped...the floor still wet from the staccato drizzles...

London. This place is almost like second home. I'd walk around the streets like I've lived here forever. From fulham road to high street kent, from regent street to covent garden, from W1's green park to piccaddilly circus to leicester square or soho...

I take a breath of fresh air and marvel at this wonderful place. It is pitiful how you only come to appreciate some things when you know you're about to lose them. Three more months and I'll be gone...photos the only physical reminder of my presence that would once use to be.

Somewhere in bayswater, I sit and wait for the girl who's presence would give me a little adrenalin rush. Somewhere in bayswater, somewhere in london...

constantine and starbucks...

2006-03-20T23:59:00.000+08:00

honey earl grey, emmental from the packet, microwave popcorn and skinny blueberry muffins...

what a great time i had.

i could listen to her talk forever...lying beside and watching her paint her life stories...

she looks ever so sweet.

did you know babe? did you know you touched me last night...

we'd cuddled each other to sleep.

if only time and fate planned things out differently for us...if only...

heartwrenching ecstacy.

On 9!

2006-03-13T23:04:00.000+08:00

On 9 wa diu wa diu!!! Hahaha! Just came back from DEE snooker tournament of the year - the BUSA League at Willie Thorne Snooker Centre - Leicester. I must say this year BUSA was rather satisfying! I'd been there twice before this year but those weren't particularly great fun...this year we actually WON something!!! I'd wanted to hold onto THE SAINT'S PLATE on the train back to London...

Guess what made it extra fun this year was the company. Great snooker friends I must say...Shawn my ever faithful snooker buddy, Calvin the cowman Tsang, Elmer Pan Da Zhi, and Jam Jam 小袋! Just look at them - soooo spaced out...smoking cigarette after cigarette...if we weren't playing snooker we were engaged in endless long nights of Texas Hold'Em - deal, or no deal??? So much so I'd fallen asleep sitting at the poker table and'd started snoring out aloud, much to their whoopee amusement.

And so we actually won the plate. Second best to the main trophy I must say. Come on guys, photo with Paddy - tournament organiser year after year...Thanks babes, the snooker was great but the company was even better...good luck next year! Wa diu wa diu!!!

Feels like I'm on holiday...

2006-03-09T17:35:00.000+08:00

Today is just PROPER chill man. What a nice day. Yes it was raining and we were all drenched but the next minute the sun was out and my wet jeans were drying out loud man...

Never sat at a restaurant for such a long time just chilaxing... engaged in casual conversation with two amazing amazing friends I recently found - viv and vince. My old dutch was the perfect place for the perfect occasion...

The day after the night before I walk with a little swagger even...not arrogant, but quietly confident. I am soooooo relaxed. So at ease...

There's a little smile on my face...I can feel it. Life is too wonderful...

@ Catherine Zeta Bar.

2006-03-06T18:12:00.000+08:00

Chemical brothers yo~ HAHAHA!!!

Talent-spotted.

2006-03-06T17:28:00.000+08:00

Believe it or not, I was talent-spotted!!! After Attica on Friday night Muz, Shawn, Vince, a particularly drunk Debbie, and myself were at Mayflower restaurant having supper when I, in one of my rampant good moods, decided to start KTV-ing à la Jay Chou. I wasn't particularly bothered by people sat at neighbouring tables staring at me - I was enjoying myself so much! And yet, these two guys and a woman at the next table got so impressed they told me not to stop singing!!!

So I continued in Jay Chou fashion and they basically went orgasmic. One of the guys then said he wanted to sign me! I'd seriously thought they were just drunk and were taking the piss but well...they turned out to own a proper record label and were dead serious about what they were talking about.

So Ernest as one of them names turned out to be gave me his namecard and told me to "please ring him back", saying he'd "make me really rich". It almost sounded too good to be true...I mean come on, there's the 6 year bond and there's the life back in Singapore...and plus, come on I'm seriously not such a god-damned good singer yo...? But man, just imagine me, living a life as a singer celeb in London?!?! Surreal...it's all so surreal...but yet peeps, just imagine if it really happened...

I'm planning to probably meet up with Ernest sometime this week...no hyped-up expectations, just my fingers crossed...

It's all gravy yo~!

Funky David.

2006-03-05T18:07:00.000+08:00

Funky house rocks!!! This one reminds me of David! David you were so pissed last night haha!!! Hope you're ok Michelle...drank a little too much babe. And thanks Renee for the hospitality yah...bringing 4 handsomes back to your place to chill (your sister must have been impressed!)...Vince you gotta teach me how to play the keyboard! Photos send me photos guys!!! So I can put them up on thegraffyspot to tell the world how much fun we're having!!! Love you guys to bits...=)

Vince's

2006-02-28T22:14:00.000+08:00

OMG OMG I can't believe VINCE of all people has a blog!!! Vince my man vince! Hahaha!

Check it out guys! This man, I tell you, is someone with a ZEST for life...like me! Hahaha...peace man!!!

http://vincecharming.blogspot.com

Bing's last weekend.

2006-02-26T19:33:00.000+08:00

The weekend just gone by, I know, will have been one of the best ones ever. The partying really, is only an excuse for the being together, for the sharing of very good times, for the coming together of a bunch of people from all over - Singapore, Malaysia, Hongkong, Taiwan - in a land faraway from our homes and yet, the friendship, the solidarity so closely knit, the warmth overwhelming.

Fabric and Pacha and the afterparties at Bing's. Bing we'll all miss you Bing. Such good times we've shared. And yet you have to go. Back to Singapore where you work. But hey pal, it's not the end of the friendship and as long as I'm here and we're here and you're around, the friendship will always remain. Take care brother. You bring happiness and I'm sure everyone else agrees.

To all the rest, my only regret is not having met you guys earlier. You bunch rock. And as Shimmer plays, I can't help but hear Vince singing along. His face filled with emotion. His heart pouring with love, for us.

To all of you guys, Vince, Bing, Ning, Viv, Tzelin, Muz, Shirley, Desmond, Shawn, Nicole, Renée, Zach and David, you guys are the lot. Stay wacky and fun-loving always. As long as there's friendship, we know nothing can come between us.

Chilax!

2006-02-22T19:57:00.000+08:00

Haha this one borrowed from viv. My dear viv darling! Means chill and relax! Hahaha...

Guys, my friends, all of you, maybe, I'll find out, a way to make it back someday. To watch you, to guide you, through the darkest of your days. And if a greater wave shall fall, and fall upon us all, well then I hope there's someone out there who, can bring me back to you.

If I could, and I would, I'll go wherever you will go...way up high, or down low, I'll go wherever you will go...If I could turn back time, I'll go wherever you will go. If I could make you mine, I'll go wherever you will go. Wherever you will go.

Friends once more.

2006-02-22T14:21:00.000+08:00

Life is too short to bear hatred and unforgiveness...

So guess what...The Ex is officially friend again... =)

Natural high...

2006-02-22T12:26:00.000+08:00

Borrowed the phrase from Ning. Natural high. Hahaha...I just couldn't stop smiling to myself on my way to Imperial this morning. Had a starbucks hazelnut (extra hot) latté in my hand (abbreviated H.E.H.L!) in the cold cold wintry chill...sipping it from time to time and wondering how beautiful the world is...did I mention I always loved "before the rain"? People always talk about "after the rain" but I always preferred the smell in the air and rushing wind and the thick clouds gathering just before the splash...I just can't stop feeling happy can I! Feels like I'm caught up with a happy disease. Is there anything wrong with me? Haha!

Am gonna play badminton for London Games. BADMINTON man...sounds like some obscure sport I did milleniums ago (sound like squash to you Jan? =p)...I remember it was so tiring because I had badminton matches on Mondays and Wednesdays coupled with soccer matches Tuesdays and Thursdays during the National 'C' division. I was just so EXHAUSTED I decided to give up badminton for soccer and haven't really played it since secondary school. Hope I don't make a fool of myself come London Games haha!

I just wanna do so many things like act in a musical, or pick up tango or waltz or salsa or hip hop & funkology, or learn how to play the PIANO! But time, time is not on my side! People just spend too little time being young and enjoying life...hmm...

ANGIE'S GETTING MARRIED!!!!!!!!!

2006-02-20T18:24:00.000+08:00

I always wondered what my 100th post would be about. But how could anyone expect it would be a bearer of such incredibly lovely news!

Listen people: MY DEAR DEAR AUNTIE ANGELINE'S GETTING MARRIED!!!

Hahaha!!! This should be tomorrow's headlines of every newspaper in the world. This is SUCH SUCH happy news! Hahaha I am just soooo happy!

I almost couldn't believe it when the subject title in her email to me read "My Wedding..." Believe me I was in shock. But such joy!

Hahaha!

Onion plant

2006-02-19T17:07:00.000+08:00

This thing grew in my kitchen cabinet! I must say I actually never knew what an onion plant looked like until now...=p

The one from trinz...

2006-02-13T23:04:00.000+08:00

Because I'm tagged, here y'all go...

4 Jobs You~~'ve Had~~ Want to Have In Your Life
Supersuperstar, Supersnookerplayer, Superfootballplayer, Superautotestdriver!

4 Movies You Could Watch Over And Over
Closer, Minority Report, Good Will Hunting & THE INCREDIBLES yes the incredibles hahaha!!!!!!

4 TV Shows You Love(d) To Watch
24 season 1, 24 season 2, 24 season 3, 24 season 4. Events occur in real time!

4 Places You've Been On Vacation To
Just 4? Ok 4 of the best: London, New York, Tuscany & Prague

4 Places You Really Wanna Visit
Hong Kong, The Gold Coast, Ibiza & L.A.!

4 Of Your Favourite Foods
My ah-ma's nasi lemak, dim sum, satay + bbq stingray & my kopitiam zi cha!!!

4 Websites You Visit Daily
ITV UK TV Guide
AsiaOne Motoring
TheGrafenbergSpot (my haven...)
Straits Times Interactive (this one's a lie hahaha! although I wish I had the time...)

Half a year on...

2006-02-13T22:29:00.000+08:00

I fall in and out of having a clear definition, of making sense of my personal well-being and who I want to be or what I want to do. There's no doubt the desire to achieve is still within me. After all I'm of Type A personality and striving towards my objectives has always been inherent. The more fuzzy part is what these goals and objectives are to a certain extent...

Go back to my first post on TheGrafenbergSpot about some half a year ago and you might read about a need (or rather a want which seemed like a need) to recreate myself. Half a year's gone by and boy has it been full of constant redefinitions. I am almost constantly amazed at myself and what I've been up to.

Met an old friend on saturday night at a new friend's birthday party. We used to be football mates but haven't talked since we left JC some...wow...5 years ago. After only 5 minutes he told me I was now much more unreserved, unlike how I used to be. The reflex response was "Really?", but I knew. I knew a lot's changed. I then said "Well you know, times change, places change, opportunities change and people change. It's just one of those things you learn to deal with."

I might actually think The Ex would like the present me rather than the old "guai" me if you wanna put it that way. The present me is more funky, loud, daring, anything goes, i-dun-give-a-fuck. The old me was cool, composed, clear-headed and in control. But as I said I fall in and out of having a clear definition of who I am now. Somedays I'm the old me still. Other days I become indulgent and allow myself to sink into my new comfort zone. I'd really like to strike a balance between the two personalities though, because the old me motivates me to achieve but gets me too stressed up, while combining that with the new me would cut me some slack and allow me to relax and chill a little.

If there's one thing I'm only a little weary and afraid of who I'm becoming. Spell TRANCE, and clubbing takes on a whole new definition. Being funky, loud and daring allows me to let go and enjoy to the extreme, but that's also where I know I start to thread a fine line. If it's any consolation it's that I know too well it's easy to fall into the trap and end up on the other side of things, where you start to lose control and lead yourself astray. The kind of indulgence that I subject myself to can become very disillusional. I think I mentioned this in a recent post on deranged solitariness. I think it's important I always have a clear idea of what is good and not good for me.

Laurie asked if I was going to settle down soon again. I've been tempted a few times the past half a year but I'd casually replied "Nah...I'm enjoying myself a lot being single." Which is true with respect to this whole idea about the new me. I think the old me was too tied down and too restrained. Being single has given me freedom without obligations, not least the fact that it's certainly allowed me to forge stronger friendships with some and shall I say, ''fun-loving relationships'' with others. Yes I've been tempted a few times but I think I remain skeptical about the positives of being attached relative to the negatives which are almost certainly inherent in a serious relationship. I do crave for the feeling of security (yes girls even guys need that in a relationship) of having someone beside me but I think I am still too afraid to be committed. I'm settling instead for fleeting moments of being close to certain, and as long as it's mutual then you can't say you're being unfair to the other party. But you know, love is so complicated you never ever know what's going to hit you. Tomorrow thousands and millions of couples will celebrate their love for each other. I'm happy for them and wish their love would last forever, but I think I'm ok being who I am now and that will be that.

Half a year ago I'd thanked my family and friends for how they've helped me tide through the horrible times after the breakup. Half a year on, I thank my family and friends again, for no matter what happens and come what trials and tribulations, in my heart they will always be the ones who are most special to me.

Whatever it's been, whatever it is and whatever is to come, I know I have no regrets, and that in itself, I think, is my biggest triumph above all.

parting is no sweet sorrow...

2006-02-12T21:03:00.000+08:00

i hate partings and i hate farewells. i hate the sight of a friend walking away...back turned towards you, his silhouette thinning into the distance...

why can't people just spend an eternity being together?

sofa surfers sofa rockers

2006-02-11T14:41:00.000+08:00

stand nude under the running shower.
listen to the chillout & soul.
feel every droplet run down the skin.

heaven on earth...

My happening work week!

2006-02-07T15:57:00.000+08:00

Hahaha how happening is this week! Let's see, tomorrow night I'm off to ~~dinner with laurie~~ watch chelsea - everton @ stamford bridge...friday it's ~~tennis with kai then~~ dinner with kai chez moi ~~then going to the imperial artsfest finalé concert~~ before clubbing @ heaven with viv and gang! Saturday it's tzelin's birthday party @ kensington roof gardens if i decide to go. No dinner with laurie? No worries! Lunch on sunday will do just fine! =)

And this was supposed to be a working week! Hee hee!

Now chill...plug in those subwoofers...feel the music...groove...feel emotion...by ATB...

Mangetouts

2006-02-06T20:07:00.000+08:00

Funny how in 2 days consecutive mangetouts arose as a subject of conversation. Anyhow, this, jan, is what I was talking about!

Mangetouts: Snow Peas, Sugar Peas, Pea Pod, 菏兰豆. Pisum Sativum, Var. Sacharatum. Early or spring variety of the common green pea. Native to the Middle East, introduced into China by Europeans, hence their literal Chinese name '菏兰豆', or 'Holland peas'. The name 'snow peas' was probably derived from them being picked while some snow still remained on the ground (during early spring). The French name 'mangetouts', or literally 'eat all', comes from the fact that they only need be washed, topped and tailed before they are ready to be cooked and eaten, pods and all.

Reference: www.chinesetakeaways.com/Ingredients/Mangetouts.jpg

So there you go. Wasn't I right jan, I said something like beans, peas or pods remember! I just didn't remember the English name is snow peas...hahaha!

on deranged solitariness

2006-02-03T00:59:00.000+08:00

i feel a kind of impetuous loneliness suddenly develop around me the past few days gone by. i seem to have lost my direction a little. lost a sense of where i am headed, a sense of what i wanted and what i needed.

the days haven't been lacking activity. if anything they've been packed. all the partying, the late night piss-ups...if anything they've been "over the limit" as jan said. i've had all the hugs, kisses even, from the friends, or so they claim to be. in the semi-drunken state many people become closer to you. you start to appreciate everyone and everyone starts to appreciate you. but the nights have to end and in the daylight how much of all this remains and how much of it vanishes in place of the soberness regained?

i cant quite figure out now how much i mean to certain, not least the fact that those certain i only meet for our regular piss-ups if in that way i may put it. what is the purpose? where is the goodness of it all if the happiness does not live to see the daylight? how is it meaningful if the closeness of the moment is but that of the very moment itself? why is it people have hidden agendas and ulterior motives?

amongst the certain i know are those who are superficially biased. i only wish to find out that perhaps amongst the rest of them may lie a unique few who cherish the goodness of a sincere relationship. one forged with the heart, and not with two-facedness superficiality and pretence.

on the other hand i think i need to focus a little. put my life back in perspective. do some planning, make organised. the late night fun is all good for the heart, but the soul needs a little more reassurance...

Kavanagh's Thursday Night

2006-01-27T02:44:00.000+08:00

Hahaha! What a brilliant night! What a wicked wicked brilliant night...

But a sad one too...filled with tearful goodbyes and cherished hugs as my 4th year friends leave the country to embark on their FYPs...perhaps our last gathering as a batch, but definitely not the end of the great friendships...

See all the night's photos!!!

Kids...

2006-01-25T15:40:00.000+08:00

Aren't small kids just so cute sometimes? I was queueing up to pay at Tesco's today when this small boy ran up to me and hid behind my towering (well in relative terms) figure. I turned around to see this little kid staring up at me with huge inquisitive eyes, so I smiled and winked at him. And then he suddenly just went berserk, running up and down the aisles of the supermarket like a mad boy!!! Hahaha! His mum got totally confused wondering what her lovely little kid was up to again...=)

Sweet love and RED UNDIES!!!

2006-01-24T23:22:00.000+08:00

"if number 1 dies tomorrow, what is the one thing u need the person to know?
that he is one of my best friends and that i love him heaps.."

"number 1" happens to be graffy me...trinz is so sweet...=)

On another note, laurie said "Oh yeah, and all you 'puppies' out there, the year of the dog is coming up which means bad luck for us according to my grandma, so don't forget to wear red undies on the 1st day of the chinese new year!! I'm serious! Go put that in your diary now!"

Hear that hear that! All my puppy friends, go find that pair of red undies!!! But laurie surely this doesn't apply to guys!!! Me don't wanna wear red undies!!!

Spanish omelettes and chicken foccacia...

2006-01-24T17:18:00.000+08:00

Hmm...lunch today was...invigorating...

Met up with some good old schoolmates whom, if I may quote Andrew, many of us have lost touch with because of NS. It's quite amazing how I'd got to know each of them during different times in my life - Andrew (yes trinz Andrew Jesudasen!) from my french lessons in secondary school; Ranjan (yes Ranjanathan Thiruchelvam! God knows what he's doing in London!) from the great soccer days; Clement mainly through the armed forces and Imperial College; and Desmond from the partying in London - and yet we'd all studied at RJ, well RI even!, and on a lazy and cold schoolday Tuesday had gathered at Gloucester Garfunkels in London for a good afternoon meal.

The catching up was great. It's crazy to think how long ago we've left RJ and have gone on to different paths in life in different parts of the world. It's nice to hear how who and who is doing and what who and who's been up to, and whilst I tell everyone why it might be advantageous to have a Poker face in the game of snooker, it was lovely listening to Ranjan talk about how the Astronomical Clock in Prague works and how it might be disadvantageous for Shivani to do her housemanship in London, to Andrew about how GINORMOUS the USA is that the distance from London to Poland would probably only span the width of two states, to Clement about how Garfunkels was a proper restaurant franchise and not a pub although it served pubbish food, and to Desmond about how it costs USD70K! to get an MBA at the Harvard Business School.

The food was good too! Not something I'd normally have for a weekday lunch (in fact this meal of my day is usually skipped). If there was only one thing bad, I found out that too much lunchtime Stella Artois is not good for the brain when it comes to afternoon lectures on Advanced Turbomachinery!

But all in all, what a great time and what a great way to spend the afternoon...

On happiness and independence...

2006-01-23T02:19:00.000+08:00

I'm eating my maggi noodles. It's 2:30 in the morning and I'm savouring every moment of my independence on this lovely night. Tired as I am, I can't help but enjoy every bit of life that I am living. It may sound a little crazy to my friends sometimes how amazingly positive I am with everything that's going on about and around me. It does seem to me sometimes that all this is quite very surreal, and I'll maybe wake up one day to find myself out of virtual reality and right smack back in the harsh truths of life. But as far as I see it right now, this is life and this is me. Happy and carefree. I've probably never been this high before, and the moments I'm living now are probably going to go down as some of the best and happiest moments in my life, so to everyone who's involved, I'm happy to have shared these moments with you. Yes, I think you'll know I'm talking about you. =)

Just came back from watching the snooker masters championship finals. Poor Ronnie lost. He did so very well and played so very fantastically, but lost to John Higgins in the most, well, cruel way in snooker terms I would say. Ronnie was gutted and although he didn't show it had wanted to get out of the limelight and return to hide in his little protective shell as quickly as possible, where he would find depressive comfort. I think I knew. I saw it on his face and I could tell he was uncomfortable with the atmosphere. And I knew where he was wanting to be because he's been in situations like these before and I'd read about them in his autobiography. And it made me really sad for a while. I wish he'd be positive about life like me. But well, it maybe hard to believe it now but I've been depressed (perhaps even clinically) before and I could sympathise with him. I just wished then that the world could be less doleful. Sounds like a little girlly ideal but I wish so much that everyone would just be free of their troubles and worries, and just take life for what it is and make the best out of it.

But anyway the finals went down right to the last frame and thus only ended after 12 midnight! Jamie and I just managed to catch the last train which only took us to Baker Street. That was still miles away from my place! Jamie and I split from there. It's amazing how calm and at ease I find myself these days. A while ago I would have been in a frantic state, freaked that I wasn't going to be able to get home for the night. But out I stepped into the unfamiliar streets and just breathed in the late night chill. Marylebone Road. Sounds familiar. It was a left or right decision. The wrong way would take me away from central London whilst the correct one would take me towards Euston and King's Cross which was favourable. And I had let my instincts take over. I've got a 9am lecture for monday morning but I was totally in no hurry to get home. I was walking down the lovely orangy roadlamp-lit streets. The cold breeze, the scattering late night people, the deserted roads...I think kai would agree it's nice to walk the london streets.

And I thought about my independence. It didn't seem so long ago that I was 14 and still had to ask my mum for permission to go out, letting her know all the details and what time I would be back. Now I'm 23 and I'm walking the streets on a late Sunday night, millions of miles away from my family and home, and I am happy and settled. You couldn't imagine the freedom. You had to experience it.

I'd probably been walking for about 45 minutes. From Baker Street I was now at the more familiar Tottenham Court Road. My gosh Burger King is still open. Burger? Nah...I should really be getting home...N14 is always trustworthy. It may arrive a little later than on schedule but it'll always arrive. Back towards Chelsea I headed.

The maggi mee's finished now. The songs on my media player have stopped playing. The clock's hinting that I should probably be going to bed now...but I know. I know tomorrow brings new and exciting stories about this beauteous life of mine. And I hope you're there to share it with me.

Cheeky is the word =)

2006-01-20T10:09:00.000+08:00

What a great day again! Hahaha! I'm ecstatic, and my inebriated spirits would do well to keep in control of themselves...

Look, there's Mr Bojangles!
Call him Mr Bo-o-jangles!
Call him Mr Bo-o-jangles,
come back and dance,
and dance,
and dance with me dance...

Richard Fleeshman

2006-01-14T21:53:00.000+08:00

My gosh...I'm totally in love with this guy. Richard Fleeshman...soapstar superstar champion...I'm telling you, watch out for this guy, he's soon to be the UK's number one hit solo singer...man he's sooooo good! So so good. Fantastic. My gosh his singing...and he's cute too! No i'm not gay...I'm speaking for you ladies but seriously this guy's singing is UNBELIEVABLE...and it really is not just the voice that's good but man the feelings and the emotions he puts into every song...that's really what makes a song work.

It was the finals tonight and I watched it live on tv...and when he sang Ronan Keating's Father and Son (Ronan Keating's version is on the player), I was crying...I really was crying. And then when the song ended the cameras shifted to his dad who was in the studio and he was crying...and so was his mum. And when the judge Billy Sammeth was asked for his opinions he couldn't speak, because he was tearing...and when he finally spoke he said, ''i'm...well...you're just fantastic...you've moved me to tears..."

And so he won on most number of votes...but I'm telling you this guy is a superstar. He's a born singer...and guess what, he's only 16! You have to have to see the clips. Too bad they haven't got the Father and Son one on yet but the rest are equally equally good...I really really loved Mr Bojangles...and Babylon and Ordinary People are very good too...but watch every one of them!

And watch this guy. I'm his fan and I'm waiting to buy his first album! And remember...he's only 16! Gosh I wish I could sing like him...

Mr Bojangles
Flowers in the Window
Babylon
Mary
Ordinary People
Cosmic Girl

Richard Wins It!

nostalgia, alegria and my mum

2006-01-13T00:07:00.000+08:00

Ok it's just past 12 so you can't say it's 4 posts in a day but still it's 4 in less than 24 hours! I think that's a record you know...haha...

I'm in that nostalgic mood again...looking at old pictures and stuff...I even visited my old blog! Haha...i'd neglected my livejournal blog since I started with this one...there were reasons for starting the new blog but now I find blogger so much more user-friendly because you can upload photos and play music etc etc...

But anyway...just so there's continuity, here's the link to the old one...there you go...they've been joined up...my life is now complete. Haha...what am I going on about...

I've been itchy hand again and went to click on mlle la di da's blog...and sigh...I hate it when I do that...everytime I do that I seem to read about something which stirs up some complicated emotions in me...but well I've moved on and I guess she has the right to move on too...

Hmm...just one of those nights when I feel like I miss everybody...

On another note, kai's back from america! And we're gonna go watch cirque du soleil's alegria at the royal albert hall next friday! How exciting...=)

Ok I should get some sleep...but just wanted to quote from my old blog...this one I particularly like...it's about my mum...the most special woman in my life. Goodnight.

Tuesday 15th March 2005 1:52 pm - home is where the heart is...

hmm...just had a nice heartwarming talk with my mum...which by the way does not happen very often for me...

it's always good to find out about how she is...and it's comforting to know that she's coping ok...with her job...with supporting the brothers...

she's a little stressed out at times still...and said she really missed me the other day...so much so that she'd called yu just to find out about me...i told her off for not calling me directly...i mean told her off in italics...jokingly...and she just said very typically that she'd misplaced my number...

i'm proud to be her son...very proud...she works very very hard...too hard actually...but i understand why she does what she does (perhaps also because in this aspect i'm quite like her)...i know she cares a lot about kenneth and i...and she really wants to make this little family work...it's so much commitment...so much love she has for us...and knowing what she's been through...

it's all the more incredible...in a way i really miss her...and i think going back in april is definitely the right decision...i'd want to ease her mind...to tell her she'll always have me by her side...

i'm glad too that kenneth is growing up and maturing lots...he'd got a job at sentosa recently and earned himself half a grand...didn't do too badly at all for his As...could have made it to jc but chose to go to temasek poly instead...well you always have to respect one's decision...hope he'd do well to find his niche...

voila voila...how i miss home...

2006-01-12T22:39:00.000+08:00

But all the miles that separate us disappear now when I'm dreamin' of your face...

I’m here without you baby
but you're still on my lonely mind
I think about you baby
and I dream about you all the time
I’m here without you baby
but you're still with me in my dreams
And tonight girl it’s only you and me

Everything I know
and anywhere I go
it gets hard but it won’t take away my love

And when the last one falls
when it’s all said and done
it gets hard but it won’t take away my love

Laurie held at knife-point!!!

2006-01-12T19:59:00.000+08:00

My gosh can't believe what happened to Laurie!!! I'm shocked...I think I need counselling...

Pink Panty'd Ladies!

2006-01-12T12:32:00.000+08:00

Isn't it nice to study at Imperial? =) There's Lyndsey Garrill and more here! Don't we all just want a little bit of fun? =) When will it be NUS' turn? Come on Singaporean ladies...let's put in some proposals...haha!

Another train of thoughts...flowing flowing flowing...

2006-01-11T16:13:00.000+08:00

'We may still often expect a new restlessness will soon develop, unless the individual is doing what he or she is fitted for. A musician must make music, an artist must paint, a poet must write if he or she is to be ultimately happy. What a person can be, he or she must be. This need we may call self actualisation...the desire to become more and more what one is, to become everything that one is capable of becoming.'

- Abraham Maslow, 1943

So are you doing what you're fitted for? =) Raises a lot of questions doesn't it? You'd always be thinking if you're doing what you want to be doing...it really is a question about your life isn't it? About how you want to spend it. And I think in this sense Maslow's quote presents a sad irony about the reality of it all, because 'a musician must make music' and 'an artist must paint' but in the real world a lot also depends on whether the job markets and the potential to make a living out of what one wants to do is there or not. And so a lot of us are forced into doing what we don't want to be doing simply because there were no other alternatives or we were being forced into it by prevailing circumstances at the time.

And since we all are, my friends, relative newbies to the job market, how about taking this on board,

'that the profoundest motivation to work comes from the recognition of individual achievement and from the sense of personal growth in responsibility.'

- Frederick Herzberg, 1968

And so all the more I think it is important for one to be doing what one thinks he or she is meant to be doing, i.e. to be in the right job. But Herzberg's argument is sort of circular in the sense that I find it very difficult that one will be able to feel motivated to achieve in a job that one does not think he or she should be doing, and yet this lack of self-motivation to achieve inevitably means he or she will have nothing to show for in the job, and hence he or she will consequently not be recognised for any effort put in and hence not feel any 'sense of personal growth in responsibility'...and so it goes...

But well...what a world we live in...I mean, ever since the industrial revolution the world has been ever-changing and life in modernised societies like ours today presents huge challenges to an individual's social and psychological well-being. Because 'sit back and relax' and 'take it easy' mentalities are just not solutions that are viable in the long run. Of course a lot depends on what the individual wants to achieve in life, yes we all love to procrastinate but in a society like ours it is evident that 'planlessness in living' is almost an impossiblity, unless of course if Roman Abramovich was your father. But well hey, that's the way it is...

I might be tempted to say 'it's sad but true' but hey, is it actually sad you think? Don't forget all the benefits that economic and industrial progress has given us, among other things accessability to a wealth of personalised consumer products and services...think shopping for your clothes, going for spa treatments, driving an RX8, listening to Jay Chou CDs and going karaoke-ing to Jay Chou songs etc etc...it's a world we've all grown to live in and perhaps even love. I guess everything comes at a price you know, because you could go back to an organic economy based on agriculture and live a simple life by nature but in our days how many people will be satisfied by that?

And so in this sense I think we're quite lucky to be living the lives we're living, and it might be reassuring that our society doesn't forget (or well, tries not to forget at least) anyone...so I always believe you get in life what you set out to achieve and put in the work for.

Just a little thought...

2006-01-09T21:59:00.000+08:00

Knowledge is power. And that's the truth...nothing is more unique than an academic perspective to issues or problems. It satisfies one in a very special way to learn and to find out about something, especially something that not a lot of people know about. It makes you feel powerful if you know that linear structural systems for example can be characterised by the eigenvalues (resonant frequencies) and eigenvectors (mode shapes) of the system which are solved for using modal analysis, and it makes you feel you know a little something more about the world if you know sonic shock waves are but concentrated viscous regions of flow across which there are large pressure gradients that exist because of the simple fact that air particles cannot travel faster than the speed of sound! How about the fact that conservation laws in their differential (or strong) form do not allow discontinuities to be represented and thus may produce multiple-values solutions even if the initial conditions are smooth, but that the same laws written in their integral (or weak) forms allow for such discontinuities to form and hence are able to provide physically relevant solutions, but yet only so if the Rankine-Hugoniot jump and the entropy conditions are satisfied?

In our daily lives there are too many things we take for granted. There are too many things we know exist and work but many a times we are not bothered to think about why it is there or how it's made to work. Engineering knowledge in my case, applied to the physical world, really provides you with a different way of looking at things. For one it definitely improves one's logic reasoning. For example, one may not know the difference between a necessary and a sufficient condition.

How about this: A dog has four legs and we all know that. Now a necessary condition for an animal to be a dog is that it has four legs. This is not, however, a sufficient condition, because an animal with four legs may be a cat. So "the animal must have four legs" is a necessary condition for it to be a dog but it is not a sufficient condition!

Analytical knowledge sort of brings you back to basics. And my the basics are far deeper and far more complex than what we think it is...from the days of galileo to the modern days of stephan hawking we have found out much truth about the world we live in...but hey...there's a whole lot more truth out there that remains hidden...and that's the ultimate challenge...

珊瑚海 revisited

2006-01-05T22:21:00.000+08:00

Gosh I am deeply struck by the talent of Vincent Fang as I try and come up with this. Such a genius. Such a lovely piece of work.

You might remember in the original post I said "this must be one of the most beautiful duets ever written, choreographed and sung..." and I'm telling you, the brilliance of his work. Such intelligence...such ingenuity...

He says 转身离开分手说不出来 while she asks 你有话说不出来? He thinks that they were both not mature and frank enough right from the start (当初彼此不够成熟坦白) but she thinks it was only on his part (你有我在不够成熟坦白) and even adds (你)不应该! While she clings on to the hope of a hidden miracle in an unopened seashell (贝壳里隐藏什么期待) he mocks her instead and asks if she's waiting for the flowers to bloom (等花儿开). Well in the end, they both admit they hardly have the heart to go on expecting. 热情不在, 笑容勉强不来, and the love...? 深埋珊瑚海...

Thanks leney for asking me to do this. You've made me recall why I loved this song so much the first time I heard it. Such beauty in tragedy. The story of two arguing and quarelling...shifting the blame for their disarranged love, shoving in into the burials of the deep coral sea and yet in such harmony and unity of the melody...sigh...

海平面远方开始阴霾
Sea clouds gather on the far horizon
悲伤要怎么平静纯白
How do I keep my sadness pure and calm?
我的脸上始终夹带一抹浅浅的无奈
I remain straight-faced, hoping to cover my hint of resignation

你用唇语说你要离开 (情不在)
You tacitly say you want to leave (Because the love's gone)
那难过无声慢了下来
The anguish restrains itself without a sound

汹涌潮水你听明白
Listen carefully to the tempestuous waves
不是浪而是泪海
For those are not currents from the sea but my tears

转身离开 (你有话) 分手说不出来
I turn around and leave because I’m unable to call the breakup
(You have something on your mind but can’t say it out?)
海鸟跟鱼相爱只是一场意外
The love between the seagull and the fish was only an incidental episode

我们的爱 (给的爱) 差异一直存在 (回不来)
Differences had always existed in our love
Differences had always existed (in the love that was given)
(We can't return)
凤中尘埃 (等待) 竟累积成伤害
The dust gathers in the wind
(The waiting) experience becomes pain
Experience becomes pain

转身离开
Turning around to leave
分手说不出来
Unable to call the breakup
蔚蓝的珊瑚海错过瞬间苍白
The azure coral sea a missed momentary paleness

当初彼此 (你有我在) 不够成熟坦白 (不应该)
Right from the beginning we were both not mature and frank enough
(When I was there) you were not mature and frank enough
(You shouldn’t have)
热情不在 (你的) 笑容勉强不来
The warmth is no longer there
(Your) smile cannot be forced
Smiles cannot be forced

爱深埋珊瑚海
The love is buried deep within the coral sea

毁坏的沙碉如何重来
How do we rebuild the wrecked sand sculpture?
有裂痕的爱怎么重盖
How do we fix a broken relationship?
只是一切结束太快
Only that all has ended too quickly
你说你无法释怀
You say you don’t understand why

贝壳里隐藏什么期待 (等花儿开)
What surprises await in a seashell?
(Waiting for the flowers to bloom?)
我们也已经无心再猜
We hardly have the heart to go on expecting

面向海风 (面向海风)
The sea breeze caressing
咸咸的爱 (咸咸的爱)
The salty love
尝不出还有未来
Unable to see any future in this

转身离开 (你有话) 分手说不出来
I turn around and leave because I’m unable to call the breakup
(You have something on your mind but can’t say it out?)
海鸟跟鱼相爱只是一场意外
The love between the seagull and the fish was only an incidental episode

我们的爱 (给的爱) 差异一直存在 (回不来)
Differences had always existed in our love
Differences had always existed (in the love that was given)
(We can't return)
凤中尘埃 (等待) 竟累积成伤害
The dust gathers in the wind
(The waiting) experience becomes pain
Experience becomes pain

转身离开
Turning around to leave
分手说不出来
Unable to call the breakup
蔚蓝的珊瑚海错过瞬间苍白
The azure coral sea a missed momentary paleness

当初彼此 (你有我在) 不够成熟坦白 (不应该)
Right from the beginning we were both not mature and frank enough
(When I was there) you were not mature and frank enough
(You shouldn’t have)
热情不在 (你的) 笑容勉强不来
The warmth is no longer there
(Your) smile cannot be forced
Smiles cannot be forced

爱深埋珊瑚海
The love is buried deep within the coral sea...

twothousandandfive

2006-01-01T15:14:00.000+08:00

piffled this from trinzie...heh...i should be able to answer some of these...=)

01. Was 2005 a good year for you?

supercalifragilisticexpialidocious!

02. What was your favorite moment of the year?

well there wasn't one specific moment...just lots of very very good ones i guess...esp those with the friends...old and new...

03. What was your least favorite moment of the year?

haha...it'll have to be the breakup.

04. Where were you when 2005 began?

i can't remember you know. i know i was on holiday. it was either in pau, this little town in southwest france, or it was in prague.

05. Who were you with?

the ex lor...

06. Where will you be when 2005 ends?

ok it's ended. but i was counting down at home watching new year live on bbc1, presented by natasha kaplinsky!

07. Who will you be with when 2005 ends?

was alone...unfortunately...haha!

08. Did you keep your new years resolution of 2005?

"i don't make resolutions and i wasn't in a particularly resolution-making mood."

09. Do you have a new years resolution for 2006?

to be happy.

10. Did you fall in love in 2005?

yes.

11. If yes, with who?

with all my friends and family.

12. If yes, do they know?

sure thing!

13. You regret it?

never in me life.

14. Did you breakup with anyone in 2005?

duh...

15. Did you make any new friends in 2005?

yes!!! yes yes yes...so many in fact...and got re-acquainted with some great old ones too!

16. Who are your favorite new friends?

ha ok...desmond, madeleine, kai ling (ok leney and kai are not exactly NEW but still...) and kai ping too.

17. What was your favorite month of 2005?

can i have 2? august for the old friends, family and singapore. october for fantastic london, the great nights out, the karaoke, the girls and all that indulgence!

18. Did you travel outside of Singapore in 2005?

yep. toulouse, prague, bonascre, london, paris and then london again =)

19. How many different countries did you travel to in 2005?

3! france, the czech republic and the uk.

20. Did you lose anybody close to you in 2005?

do i count the breakup? as trinzie said, "not in death at least"!

22. Did you miss anybody in the past year?

yes. me marmy, me aunties, me grandma, and me friends...all me friends.

23. What was your favorite movie that you saw in 2005?

the incredibles!!! that was awwwwwesome!!! i love it love it love it!

24. What was your favorite song from 2005?

shan hu hai

25. What was your favorite record from 2005?

ha it'd probably be jay chou's november's chopin

26. How many concerts did you see in 2005?

none...

27. Did you have a favorite concert in 2005?

didn't watch any lah!

28. Did you drink a lot of alcohol in 2005?

ooh you bet. in fact i think i'm getting stupider by the day...all them damaged brain cells...

29. Did you do a lot of drugs in 2005?

nope.

30. How many people did you sleep with in 2005?

do you mean sleep or make out make out? =)

31. Did you do anything you are ashamed of this year?

nope. =)

TRINA WHERE'S QN 32???

33. What was the worst lie someone told you in 2005?

oh this girl at strawberry moons...that she lost her mobile and so didnt have a number!

34. Did you treat somebody badly in 2005?

who who who? no...you count the ex?

35. Did somebody treat you badly in 2005?

yeah count the ex alright.

36. How much money did you spend in 2005?

ooh...i don't wanna think about it...

37. What was your proudest moment of 2005?

standing on top of the pyrenees. conquering those daymed steep slopes in my skis and nearly breaking my knees!

38. What was your most embarrassing moment of 2005?

i was stumbling out of bed to pee. it was 7 in the morning and my curtains were not shut but i thought nobody would come out to the back garden so early in the morning so couldn't be bothered to close the bathroom door. peter the porter came out to clear the rubbish and unfortunately, he saw my dinosaur.

39. If you could go back in time to any moment of 2005 and change something, what would it be?

not sure about the breakup...but i think in retrospect it turned out to be a very good thing for me. i've refound myself, and i'm happier than i was before...so yeah...

40. What are your plans for 2006?

complete my final year and finally graduate...and finally go back to singapore and drive and drive and drive my new car! ooh can't wait can't wait!

All About Minority Report

2005-12-30T22:59:00.000+08:00

Warning: If you haven't seen the show or have seen it but are gonna watch it again don't read this!!!

I just had to do this. Haha! After watching one of the most brilliant movies in my opinion for the third time I decided I had to write this down. The plot - fully fleshed out. Every truth of the story...heh...

Firstly got this summary of the movie from IMDb...it was written by Julian Reischl and I think it's a brilliant set up for the plot:

In the year 2054, a so-called "pre-crime division" is working around Washington, DC. Its purpose is to use the precog(nitive) potential of three genetically altered humans to prevent murders. When the three precogs, who only work together, floating connected in a tank of fluid, have a vision, the names of the victim and the perpetrator as well as video imagery of the crime and the exact time it will happen, are given out to the special cops who then try to prevent the crime from happening. But there is a political dilemma: If someone is arrested before he commits a murder, can the person be accused of the murder, which - because of the arrest - never took place? The project of pre-crime, at the time being in a state of trial run, is going to be voted about in the near future. If people accept it, the crime rate is going to drop drastically, but it never will be known if there might not be too many people imprisoned, some or even all of them innocent. After John Anderton lost his son to a crime six years ago, he took up drugs, and works the precog division like nobody else. One day, his own name arrives in the "perpetrator" chute, and the precogs predict that he will kill a man he never knew in less than 36 hours. John takes off, his trust in the system diminishing rapidly. His own colleagues after him, John follows a very small trace that might hold the key to his innocence, a strange unsolved yet predicted murder and a so-called "minority report", a documentation of one of the rare events in which a precog sees something different than the other two.

So there...John Anderton left Precrime in search of his innocence, and with his colleagues after him the only possible hope he had was that he had a minority report, because the system was such that if all three precogs predicted a crime the same way, the system was infallible and the future crime could not be denied. The only possible scenario the predicted crime would not take place was if one of the precogs saw it differently from the other two, and produced a so-called minority report. But Lamar Burgess, founder of Precrime, wouldn't let it be known that the minority reports existed, because their very existence would prove that the system was not foolproof, and innocent victims could be arrested for crimes they were never going to commit, and so he designed the system to erase all minority reports the moment they were generated.

But John Anderton had hope, because Dr. Iris Hineman, who developed the system together with Lamar Burgess, had secretly designed it such that a copy of the minority reports would always be stored within the precog who saw it differently, and often, the reports always came from the smartest of the three, I quote,

Dr. Iris Heinmen: Find the minority report.
John Anderton: How do I even know which one has it?
Dr. Iris Heinmen: It's always the more gifted of the three.
John Anderton: Which one is it?
Dr. Iris Heinmen: The female.

Now Agatha was the female precog, and John Anderton sneaked back to Precrime (with a different pair of eyes) to take Agatha away, hoping to somehow download his minority report from her, I quote,

John Anderton: That's it, huh? Just walk right into Precrime, go into the Temple, somehow tap into the Precogs, and then download this Minority Report...
Dr. Iris Heinmen: That's if... you have one.

The truth is, John Anderton didn't have a minority report, and it was thus destined that he was going to kill the man he never knew, Leo Crow. John Anderton didn't believe it and dragged Agatha along with him as he counted down the minutes until the time when the crime would be committed.

In the hotel room where the murder scene would take place he saw pictures of his long-lost son together with this man Leo Crow. He was immediately outraged and admitted he would indeed kill this man who took his son away from him.

And so enters Leo Crow into the room...a fight ensues and the seconds counted down. In the crucial moments just before the predicted gun shot, Agatha (who was in the room too) tells John Anderton that he can choose not to kill Leo Crow because he'd seen his future, and people who had seen their own futures could choose to change it. When the alarm on John Anderton's watch went off, he...didn't fire. But Leo Crow became perplexed. He wanted John Anderton to shoot him so that his family would receive the money that was to be paid for him to die. A struggle broke out and he finally forced the gun shot, but by then John Anderton knew he'd been set up.

The question was who set him up. And so continues the story. The truth is in his contacts with Agatha right from the start John Anderton had seen Agatha's minority report of another murder case - one of Agatha's own mother Anne Lively. When Precrime saw its initial success Anne Lively was distraught and wanted Agatha out of it. But Lamar Burgess wouldn't have it and to ensure Precrime's success, had thought of an ingenious plan to silence Anne Lively. The problem was he couldn't get anyone to kill Anne Lively because the precogs would predict the murder before it happened and the perpetrator would be arrested. But he did know that the precogs had déjà vus - that is they sometimes saw a crime identical to one they'd already predicted. So he made use of this fact and got a scapegoat to kill Anne Lively. The precogs predicted the murder and the scapegoat was arrested. Then, he'd immediately killed Anne Lively himself, at the same location and in the exact same way the precogs had predicted the original murder, knowing the precogs would predict it but the technician would think it was a déja vu and erase it from the system. Lamar Burgess was not convicted and Anne Lively became just another missing person to the public. But there was only one problem...the water waves were flowing in the wrong direction...hence Agatha's Minority Report depicting the real murder....

So there you have it...the whole plot. Lamar Burgess found out that John Anderton had seen his minority report and so set him up to get arrested knowing he would kill the man who took his long lost son. But sadly for Lamar Burgess, the story had taken a different twist and he'd killed himself out of shame in the end.

itz freakin' freezin'!!!

2005-12-30T22:04:00.000+08:00

Somebody please...turn up the temperature!!! Grrrrrrrrr.............

My dear leney,

2005-12-28T21:57:00.000+08:00

You only grow out of it a stronger person! =)

Small is beautiful

2005-12-23T14:41:00.000+08:00

Man is small and, therefore, small is beautiful. But big is inevitable, and so we live in an ugly world, and we cannot help it. But if within big there is small, so there is always beauty within.

Celebrate this - Bugatti Veyron 16.4

2005-12-20T21:16:00.000+08:00

There is nothing, and I mean nothing, that will come close to being better than this. The Bugatti Veyron 16.4. A 1001 bhp, 16-cylinder, quattro-turbocharged, super...supercar. This is the pinnacle of passenger-car engineering. It really is. This is as good as it gets. And no that's not a casual description. This is, literally, verbatim, AS GOOD AS IT GETS.

Let's do a little comparison. Take the Mazda RX8 as a start. And that's a good start by the way. It has 231 brakehorsepower, 211 Newtonmetre torque, and it does 0-100kmh in 6.8 seconds. Now that's what I call a sports car alright, easily about twice as powerful as a normal family saloon. And then you might remember I was going on and on about the Audi RS4. Now the RS4's a 4.2 litre V8 with 420 brakehorsepower, 430 Newtonmetre torque, and a 0-100kmh in 4.8 seconds. Now that's mighty impressive I tell you.

But now take this. The Bugatti Veyron 16.4 has a total of 1001 brakehorsepower, more than 900 Newtonmetre torque, and given that this car is much heavier than the previous two (primarily because of the engine), does a 0-100kmh in....3 seconds! Count to 3 and you're at a 100! This is just an AMAZING AMAZING feat.

I mean, this car has a top speed of 400kmh!!! This thing deserves it's gullwings I'll say. At 400kmh you'd need those wings to generate enough downforce to keep the car glued to the road and not (literally) take-off! I mean, this thing is half as fast as a Boeing 777!!! That means if the roads were straight and flat, this car would bring you from Singapore to London in 24 hours!!! A car!!! Only problem is...you'd probably take 48 hours instead because you'd have to keep stopping for petrol. At full power (and that's one thousand and one horses running behind the empty shell), this car drinks up its 100 litre fuel tank in...make a guess...a total of all but 12 minutes!!! 100 litres of petrol in 12 minutes! Now that's POWER!!! And for that even the wheels and tyres had to be specially made by Michelin to serve its purposes. 20 inch rear rims! That's the largest passenger car wheels ever made!

But it's remarkable. This is auto-engineering at it's best. This is worth celebrating, simply because the engine of this car is a compact engineering unit of extreme design, capable of fitting in as much space as it would in a car while producing that much power. That much power. Take this: the engine's what they call a W16. That's 2 V8's together! It's an 8-litre, 16 cylinder, 64 valves, quadruple-turbocharged power unit! All in a compact assembly that fits on a car!

They say this is as good as it gets, literally, because we might never be able to produce something that runs on the road and goes any faster than this. This car is on the outer limits of the power envelope of a passenger car, simply because anything that's more powerful than this will definitively have to be heavier, and power-to-weight ratio decreases hence with it performance.

And by the way this car is easily faster than an F1 although aerodynamically it's no where near being as efficient as one. And anyway, F1 engines are optimised to run at full power, and will typically last two races before the engine's completely wasted - scrap metal. The engine of the Bugatti Veyron has to be made to last 10-20 years! All that while producing that power! And if your grandma gets to drive it, the engine also has to deal with the low revs and city centre traffic grids while keeping it's growl under control, whereas an F1 engine at low revs will just overheat and melt and die.

Now guess the price. Production costs for each unit is a whopping 5 million pounds, but Volkswagen is selling the 2006 Bugatti Veyron 16.4 at only 1.7 million USD each! Yes Volkswagen is making a loss for every one of 300 of these cars sold! But only because this is a celebration of the pinnacle of human engineering of its kind. Volkswagen wanted the project not to make a profit but only to show that making a car as powerful as this could physically be achieved!

2005-12-14T16:59:00.000+08:00

stance.cue.break.1-4-7! pots.long pots.pockets.blind pockets! cue ball.object ball.foul-and-a-miss.free ball! screw.stunt.run-through.stunt-run-through! check side.running side.thick contact.thin contact! cannon.plant.kiss.double kiss! baulk.safety.kick.snooker!

how many of these do you know! haha...distracted once again by the game...=)

Iced Caramel Latté

2005-12-14T12:55:00.000+08:00

It's such a lovely lovely day!!! I'm nicely wrapped up in this great weather, cool breeze, warm winter sunshine. Inside I'm elated. The child in me is running wild...he's gone absolutely berserk! Happy, enthusiastic, perky, energized, excited, fervent, passionate!!! It's hard to even contain my emotions. I just wanna talk to everyone on the streets! Chelsea is a great area to live in. Fulham road is fantastic. Such live. So much activity. Such freedom. And the kids they're all sooo cute! Awww...such adorable people! Sigh... =) I'm smiling to myself all my way home and decided the great day had to be accompanied by the coffee, and so found myself being lured into Starbucks @ Chelsea and Westminster Hospital.

I absolutely lurrrve Starbucks' iced caramel latté!!! I said,"Can I have an iced caramel latté to go please." He asked what size, and I said,"...just tall..." then hesitated and said,"no you might as well make it grandé!"

Grandé was for ₤2.49. Not a student-in-london thing for everyday...perhaps not even for every other day, but I had to have my iced caramel latté on such a perfect occasion.

Starbucks just totally makes me miss home. So much. The interior, the decor, the ambience, the jazz music in the background, even the people, some just chatting over their hot mocha, others busy with work on their laptops...excel sheets all opened up. Others enjoying themselves over coffee and a good read. I wished desperately then that I had a good book with me. Perhaps Dan Brown's next thriller or something...and I'd sit in Starbucks the whole day.

So anyway my iced latté was for take away...and I'd left the jazz and the ambience behind me and stepped into the warm winter sunshine again. I'm overjoyed. Ecstatic, exhilarated, almost euphoric!!!

A few things.

2005-12-14T04:49:00.000+08:00

1) I absolutely positively HATE passive smoking the first thing you step out the door on an early winter morning.

2) I'm evil but BIG ASS people should never wear THONGS!!!

3) I think I'm hypocritical...haha!

4) I also want to be a photographer!

5) I hope leney is ok. She seems a little down and out but hey girl, you gotta hang in there ok...and come to london soon! =)

6) I'm absolutely missing the free time I used to have at the beginning of term. The blordy exams are coming and I've got to study study study...urgh!

7) Kai is leaving london town tomorrow for michi michigan and I'm secretly wishing she wouldn't go! (there you go...me being hypocritical...)

8) I'm shyte in snooker...upsoolutley shyte.

I want to be...

2005-12-10T21:28:00.000+08:00

I want to be a local singer, singing c-pop and mesmerising the fans with the attitude à la Jay Chou.

I want to be a professional snooker player, travelling the UK playing in world tournaments and charming the crowds with sublime skill and natural talent à la Ronnie O'Sullivan.

I want to be a professional football player, playing in the EPL and earning million pound wages à la Wayne Rooney.

I want to be a road car test driver, test driving top of the range autos...flooring the accelerators of Mercedes SLRs, Audi RS4s, Porsche Caymen Ss, Aston Martin DB9s, Maserati Coupés and Ferrari F430s à la Vicki Butler-Henderson.

I want to be I want to be I want to be!!! =)

Butter-egg carrots!

2005-12-10T19:34:00.000+08:00

Hmm...tucking in to my sumptious home-cooked dinner...leafy green mangetouts, oven-baked cod fillet, american long-grain rice, a glass of orange juice smoothed...and my newly invented: butter-egg carrots! Hahaha...

Still miss mum's cooking though...and grandma's kitchen magic. Superb...just sublime.

Zhou Yurou.

2005-12-07T20:55:00.000+08:00

Jing asked me today if I still think about the past. As much as the question took me by surprise, it was one I knew she'd ask sooner or later one day. And so the rest of the lecture became a conversation of how things have been for me after the breakup.

And did it not bring back the memories...actually I don't know why I've never written a post about yurou ever since the first one on thegrafenbergspot. Because the truth is I've thought about her from time to time after the breakup, and in particular I've been thinking about her a lot lately...

But you must be inhuman to be able to totally forget about your past love. I'm not the kinda person who burns the photos and rips the letters and returns all the presents. In fact I still wear the clothes she bought me and even the passwords and pin numbers have not been changed. And really, the photos still bring a smile to my face.

But I don't think it's because I haven't gotten over her. It's not that I'm still pining to be with her. The truth is the girl was my life for 5 long years and I'm simply accepting the fact that I'll always remember her existence for the rest of my life. And of course I'm not letting the reason for the breakup tarnish the whole relationship. I know there were times when we were really happy together and there were times when she really loved me, and I'm just cherishing those moments and being happy that I've once had a girl who've really really cared about me.

It's still a personal struggle though to decide if I've forgiven her for what she did. I think deep down inside I'm not bearing grudges anymore. I think within me I'm at ease and I'm not angry anymore or upset and hurt. Of course that doesn't mean I'm forgetting that I was angry and upset and hurt when I found out the truth about what she did. I think it's important to stand firm in your own decision and know why you did what you did but you should also be able to move on from that. Jing told me it's stupid to not forgive her openly if I've already forgiven her deep down inside, but I think it's more rather me not wanting to be the active party in this debate.

I'd love to talk to her though. I'd love to find out what she's doing now, and if she's getting along fine. Well maybe you could say I miss her. I know I'm never going to get back with her because of what she did, but perhaps...just perhaps...it'll be nice to be friends again...

Oh well...que sera sera...

Amusing butt-musings.

2005-12-06T02:59:00.000+08:00

Dear Mr Darwin,

I am sat butt-naked as I contemplate the answer to what could possibly be quite a difficult question of evolution:

Did we shape the butt for us to sit on it, or was the butt shaped for us to sit on?

Please reply soon.

Without wax,
Graffy

Hair like snow

2005-12-03T08:17:00.000+08:00

狼牙月伊人憔悴
A wolf fang moon, my dear one is waned and sallow
我举杯饮尽了风雪
I raise a cup and drink in the wind and snow
是谁打翻前世柜
Who overturned the cupboard of past lives
惹尘埃是非?
Provoking the dust to dispute?

缘字诀几番轮回
A predestined formula for words, how many reincarnations?
你锁眉哭红颜唤不回
You're frowning, crying that a lover cannot be called back
纵然青史已经成灰
Even if the annals of history has already become dust
我爱不灭
My love will not end

繁华如三千东流水
Grandeur is like three thousand waters flowing east
我只取一瓢爱了解
Yet I only choose a ladle of love to comprehend
只恋你化身的蝶
Only longing for your butterfly incarnation

你发如雪凄美了离别
Your hair is like snow, beautifully chilling the parting
我焚香感动了谁?
Who is touched by my incense?
邀明月让回忆皎洁
Invite the bright moon to make my memories bright and clear
爱在月光下完美
Love becomes immaculate underneath the moonlight

你发如雪纷飞了眼泪
Your hair is like snow, a mess of flying tears
我等待苍老了谁?
Who has been made old by my waiting?
红尘醉微醺的岁月
The world of mortals are intoxicated, slightly drunken eras
我用无悔刻永世爱你的碑
I use my lack of regret to carve out a stone tablet that represents my eternal love for you

铜镜映无邪扎马尾
There is nothing wicked reflected in the bronze mirror; tie a ponytail
你若撒野今生我把酒奉陪
If you act wildly, in this life I will pour a cup of wine and keep you company

Missing you...

2005-11-29T08:21:00.000+08:00

Engulfed in a state of reminiscence, I can't help but think of all my dear friends...

As I scroll through the images on each and every friendster profile, I can't help but miss you all...

How I wish I was having fun with you. Yes you...and you, and you, and you. How I wish I was having a drink, or a laugh, or doing something silly, just with you my friend.

How I wish I was with you again...

珊瑚海

2005-11-27T22:30:00.000+08:00

Oh man listen to this my song of the moment...this must be one of the most beautiful duets ever written, choreographed and sung...sigh...

海平面远方开始阴霾悲伤要怎么平静纯白
我的脸上始终夹带一抹浅浅的无奈

你用唇语说你要离开 (情不在)
那难过无声慢了下来

汹涌潮水你听明白
不是浪而是泪海

转身离开 (你有话) 分手说不出来
海鸟跟鱼相爱只是一场意外

我们的爱 (给的爱）差异一直存在 (回不来)
凤中尘埃 (等待) 竟累积成伤害

转身离开分手说不出来
蔚蓝的珊瑚海错过瞬间苍白

当初彼此 (你有我在) 不够成熟坦白 (不应该)
热情不在 (你的) 笑容勉强不来

爱深埋珊瑚海

毁坏的沙碉如何重来有裂痕的爱怎么重盖
只是一切结束太快你说你无法释怀

贝壳里隐藏什么期待 (等花儿开)
我们也已经无心再猜

面向海风 (面向海风) 咸咸的爱 (咸咸的爱)
尝不出还有未来

转身离开 (你有话) 分手说不出来
海鸟跟鱼相爱只是一场意外

我们的爱 (给的爱）差异一直存在 (回不来)
凤中尘埃 (等待) 竟累积成伤害

转身离开分手说不出来
蔚蓝的珊瑚海错过瞬间苍白

当初彼此 (你有我在) 不够成熟坦白 (不应该)
热情不在 (你的) 笑容勉强不来

爱深埋珊瑚海

Cruising down the M1...

2005-11-26T21:47:00.000+08:00

Woo hoo! Broke my personal top speed record today cruising 169kmh down the M1! The car was brilliant...I'd never really driven a mercedes at that speed and I must say the handling is quite impressive given the weight of the car and max. passengers...in fact I could have pushed kc's clk a little more on our way back to london from nottingham...but i guess i was just a little shy since it wasn't my own car...and actually i didn't want anything stupid to happen anyway...so there...

It's a lovely car given its 4 cylinder would only produce 163bhp at 5500rpm, 240 Nm torque at 3000rpm and nothing more...although i'd been wishing i was rather driving this instead...=P

Royal Bank of Bullshit

2005-11-18T13:38:00.000+08:00

I was in a little financial crisis because I'd put too much into the investment accounts and my expenditures for the past couple of months were a little over the budget. And so I had to find a day to go into my lovely RBS branch to make a transfer so I could have more liquid funds...

Well lectures started at 11 today and so I thought it was perfect if I got up earlier to go into the bank before. So up I was and left home before the usual time to get into the branch which was a little detour from the usual way I would walk to Imperial.

Well guess what...of course this had to happen. A huge and nicely printed notice on the glass panels outside the branch read, "Your branch will re-open in 10 days. We are upgrading to serve you better!" Of course, serve me better for the hell of it. RBS has been trying to improve their customer service for as far back as I can remember and the way I see it, they’re right where they started from.

And so another lovely poster on the glass panel reads that there's a replacement mobile branch located just around the corner at Cromwell Place. Oh there's even a map showing the location! Great...I spent the next 15 mins walking around South Kensington in circles looking for bloody Cromwell Place which according to the map should be right where I was searching. But of course, they got the map all wrong!

But never mind that. And so I found the mobile branch in the end and went in and told them I needed to transfer money from my savings account to my current account. What would you expect? Of course they would say, "Oh I'm sorry, you'll need to do that at a full counter service branch because we haven't got any computers here." Brilliant. And so I said, "Ok, the other thing is I also asked for my credit card to be sent to the branch so I could collect it and I'm wondering if you would have it here?" But of course I knew the answer, "Oh I'm sorry, you'll have to telephone the branch to ask if they've received your card. We wouldn't know from here."

In the first place, I’d ordered my new credit card to be sent to the branch because they’d apparently sent it to my home but I wasn’t there to sign it. “It’s for security reasons. You’ll have to sign for your card. I’m sorry”, they said.

Fair enough. But this was only after I called them up to find out a few days after my old card expired. They’d failed to deliver me the new card and there’d been no letter of notice or something of the sort. Nothing to tell me they’ve been trying to send the card to me unsuccessfully, until I called up. Great service. 5 stars for that. And you say you’re trying to improve your customer service?

Oh and by the way should I remind you that your dear customer’s branch was closed for renovations and there had equally been no letter of notice for that. Thank you so much for having me get up early to make a wasted trip to South Kensington.

Back to the mobile branch. And so I pursued, “Ok…I’d also like to order a cheque book for my current account. I’m sure I can do that here?” But get ready, “Oh I’m sorry, I’m afraid you would have to contact your branch to do that."

Oh…you’re afraid I can’t even order a chéquier here? What’s the focking point of you setting up a bloody mobile branch when there’s nothing I can bloody hell get done here?

But anyway, what do you expect? I remember it took me something like 2 months to get my account fully set up when I first came to London 3 years back, and it took me more than a year to get my credit card application approved. So much for efficacy and customer service.

What’s the whole point of spending millions on customer satisfaction surveys when the resulting situation is as far back as square one? If RBS hasn’t even set up a strategic planning and marketing policy department I suggest they do that quite soon, and not spend too much of their very limited resources improving every bloody focking branch in god’s name to serve me better.

Goodfella's and mozzarella pearls!

2005-11-16T18:34:00.000+08:00

Oh man Goodfella's Solos!!! Hahaha goodfella's pizzas are really really nice! They're about the best frozen pizzas I've ever eaten...not just what they put on top you know, but the crust!!! Deep-pan stone-baked base...ooooh...the base is so good!

I had to stop buying the ones I used to share with my housemate two years ago simply because those wouldn't fit in the small oven I have now...and so I had to buy cheap tesco value thin-crust tiny pizzas and keep them in the fridge forever until they expired and threw them away since I just didn't feel like eating them...But now I've found this which fits snugly in my little oven!!! Hahaha! Hawaiian pizza for dinner tonight!

And talking about food...aren't my tesco mini mozzarella pearls just sooo cute? Hahaha...such soft, demure, innocent pearls they are...they melt away so gently when the heat turns them on! Heh...

Ok...back to work. Itz CFD. I have to figure out how to describe, compare and contrast the diffusion and dispersion properties of the leap frog and the angled derivative numerical schemes! Urgh...

ARACHNOPHOBIA!!!

2005-11-15T23:14:00.000+08:00

Hahaha...I've just helped my poor neighbour, flat 5 wendy from taiwan, kill a spider in her toilet! She came knocking on my door when I most didn't expect it. The poor girl went back home and was confronted by...ARACHNOPHOBIA!!!

And dear porter mr. peter wasn't around so she had no one else to look for but...well...yes me of course.

And so I thought she was scared shitless by some teeny weeny insect and only took a piece of tissue to her room and in her toilet there was this HUGE 8-LEGGED MONSTER staring at me! Urgh!!!!! How did the focking thing get into her toilet?!?! No wonder she was scared shitless! Hahaha...yes trinzie don't hide behind the curtains now...

But anyway after a few whacks with her sturdy newspapers the thing's splattered, busted and curled up lifeless...and yes I was nice enough to complete the task and take it out to dispose it off for her.

And so for my chivalrous act she's sent me all her new Jay Chou songs! Almost the whole of his new album full haha! So now I'm gonna go lie on my bed and listen 周傑倫... =)

Le (singapourien) géant des airs!!!

2005-11-14T17:30:00.000+08:00

Haha! One of the first of our 25 A380s taking shape in Toulouse! =)

The exact words of d'Alembert's paradox!

2005-11-13T22:51:00.000+08:00

"I do not see then, I admit, how one can explain the resistance of fluids by the theory in a satisfactory manner. It seems to me on the contrary that this theory, dealt with and studied with profound attention gives, at least in most cases, resistance absolutely zero: a singular paradox which I leave to geometricians to explain."

Jean LeRond d'Alembert, 1768

Pissed drunk

2005-11-13T13:16:00.000+08:00

The best thing about getting pissed drunk the night before is not getting a hangover the day after! Hahaha...

Friendsterly comments!

2005-11-08T22:35:00.000+08:00

Wahahahaha! How the hell do I post a comment on maddy's friendster blog?!?! I've been amusing myself with it so much because stoopid friendster sends me in circles and circles and circles and circles!!!

I go on Maddy's blog and under the latest post I click on "comments", and under "post a comment" it says "sign in", so I click "sign in", and I sign in to friendster, and then I click to go to Maddy's profile page, and I click "view blog" and then under the post I click on "comments" and it says "sign in" again!!!

So I click on sign in, and sign in to friendster, then click to view Maddy's blog, then click on comments then click on sign in...again!!!

Hahahahahhahahah....help please!

Is it me or is friendster really stewpid?!?!

Hahaha!

Black humour

2005-11-08T19:16:00.000+08:00

"i still believe, that everything happens for a reason. because although i have nothing for acapella, i found a song i sortalost. it didn't strike me until i realise, volcano was the song playing on some random blog i randomly found which i only chanced upon once. just once in my whole life, but when i downloaded the proper version i knew i knew it. it's how some songs make you cry, makes your heart skip a beat. i was really taken at the concert, and sometimes, it just takes a song to colour your world so differently. it always only took one song to change my life."

I was reading yx's and I simply had to borrow this to put it here so that I always remember it's something that someone's once said.

Itz because songs are written stories. Stories of people written by people. Your story and mine. Our stories. Of our past, our present and our future, of our happiness and our sadness.

As I type this Jay Chou's (yes him again) 黑色幽默's playing on my Media Player. And I'm filled. Filled with emotions, so much emotions. I'm miserable and I'm devastated and as I sing along I can feel the words and I'm totally caught up. I'm taken along and I almost cry...as it goes...

Upset
It’s because I've been depressed for too long
It’s because I've thought too much

We're only reluctantly being together
Should you just leave me right now?

Shouldn't think too much
I think it’s definitely me
Who heard it wrong got it wrong and did it wrong

I've already guessed it and seen it, but don't want to say more
I’m just scared I can't withhold my tears
I don't understand your black humour

I've thought it through, but you came and confused me again.
Splitting up, you've thought long about it haven't you?
I'll just treat it as a joke you made up
But I've been defeated by your black humour...

說散你想很久了吧?
敗給你的黑色幽默...

只是心又漂到了哪裡?

2005-11-06T21:36:00.000+08:00

葉子是不會飛翔的翅膀, 翅膀是落在天上的葉子.

孤單是一個人的狂歡, 狂歡是一群人的孤單.

我的心又漂到了哪裡? 就連自己看也看不清.

我想我不禁禁是失去你...

Audi RS4

2005-11-05T17:58:00.000+08:00

Finally...an auto better than the RX8. Sweet. So sweet. And so fockingly massively powerful. 420 focking bhp, 430 Nm torque, and 0-100 in 4.8 seconds!!! It's a focking monster! Oh yes it is - it's got a 4.2 litre V8 engine!!! A what?!?! Yes 4.2 litre V8!!! For a road car of only 1650kg bodyweight! This thing will focking take-off! And it's not even turbocharged! No shit. Yes. Normally aspirated and it produces a whopping 420 bhp. I cannot imagine when they decide to produce the turbocharged version...

And it happens to be the first car which I think looks blordy nice in blue. Woo hoo! Only thing is...$$$. Urgh...this thing must sell for the equivalent of a BMW M3 or a Mercedes C55. Price is to be announced but I think it'd at least be 200k or something to start with. And anyway, think of the focking fuel consumption! This thing is a focking 4.2 litre V8! You'd have to visit Shell every other day!

But nonetheless...a blordy nice car. Ooh...they say the Audi engineers have gone mad! They have indeed. No shit.

KaraOK!

2005-11-05T13:38:00.000+08:00

Had a brilliant brilliant Friday night! Yes here in London I went karaoke-ing! No not English karaoke please, it's your perfectly K-歌 Cpop type Jay Chou's 愛我別走光良's 童話 type karaoke! I never really thought proper Chinese karaoke would exist here in London. But well yes they do...in Chinatown of course...this place called Laureate. So yes...the revival of my weekly karaoke fix while I was back in Singapore! Oh trinzie how I miss you...

Shawn had asked me to go along and I just had to go although I was too tired from three consecutive sleep-deprived nights. But it turned out to be such great fun. There were easily 20 of us, all squeezed into a tiny room, and we ordered bottles and bottles of JD and Chivas Regal with cans and cans of coke and so we drank tennessee and scotch whiskey and sang Jay Chou and talked people and made new friends...

There was Renée Wong. HK girl who's lived in Canada for years, spoke perfect American English, and is studying politics and economics at LSE. And oh my she's so focking pretty. Too bad Shawn's already interested so I'd give it up for my buddy. She'd asked me to play 猜拳 and she had to drink lots for it in the end, much to Shawn's delight! It was only too bad that at the end of the night she seemed to fancy Muz instead. Did they go home together? I can't even remember now. Poor Shawn...better luck next time!

Then there was Mandy. HK girl too who's here studying law at queen mary's. She clearly didn't know how to read chinese and so couldn't really sing unless she knew the song by heart. It was funny how she wanted to sing 張學友's 我真的受傷了and made me cheat the song queue by putting her song all the way up the list! And it was funny how badly she wanted to sing 辛曉琪's 味道 but wanted me to sing along so she knew the words! That was towards the end of the night though and the whiskey and the singing before had made my throat give up on me so I couldn't help the damsel in distress...sorry Mandy! In the end Yijia had to sing it with her.

And talking about Yijia. Ooh man...ok she's pretty but her singing! Her singing! It was damn good lah! Never ever heard anyone sing like this before. Such a sweet sweet voice. Perfect timing and 咬字 and 感情...ooh man...her singing. I tell you I fell in love. I did. But...she's attached man. Sorry me, but she's taken! But can I still go steady with her singing please?

Then there was Peiru. Singaporean girl! She was from ACJC and went to New York 5 years ago for tertiary ed., now in London looking for a job...lovely lovely girl. KC was obviously interested so I kept to the singing and to talking politics with my good pal Desmond Tan who still had the whiskey in his hands and was obviously pissed to the max (as usual).

But of course it wasn't only the girls I met and made friends with (come on I'm not such a buaya (I'm not!)). Much time was spent singing with great singing people like Shouzi and Morrison (ooh man these guys know every 周傑倫 song and sang them so well) and talking UCL and Imperial football with Esmund and finding out that Felix was from VJ and had always liked The Ex but never knew she got attached to me (what a small world)!

Phoew...you could never have such a great night without opening yourself up to new people and making new friends and finding out about them and their lives and sharing a passion for singing K-歌 and Cpop and drinking whiskey...all at the same time. I didn't want the night to end really...I was having such a wicked wicked time.

Too bad...no pictures this time. I was having so much fun I forgot the pics! But well...one could imagine...=)

There's a song though. I've instantly fallen in love with Jay Chou 周傑倫. To all my friends, old and new. I love you all. 愛我別走.

The new bedcloth and the masterly game...

2005-10-30T21:00:00.000+08:00

Yes over the week table 1 finally got its new bedcloth laid on. The old one wasn't even very old but some immature buggers who didn't know better had negligently put a huge rip through it. And I must say the way the cloth's laid out on the slate, how the fock do you manage to put such a huge rip through it?!?! But anyway after having the negligence cause the snooker club budget to dip a massive 300 quid, we've finally put the new cloth on for our more responsible (cross-my-fingers) members.

So now it's looking lovely lovely...and it plays oh so sweet. People who don't know the game do not think there's a lot to it. It does seem like you're just hitting a ball with a stick, but there's so much more to this game it's enthralling.

Playing snooker is like practising Sunzi Bingfa. To attack or to defend? How to attack, how to defend? What are your chances of a successful attack? What are the risks if the attack fails? Can you run the risks involved? Is it better to play safe and go on the defence?

Playing snooker is also about great technique. On the table it's no less than 100% concentration. It's about sighting the angle before you get down on the shot. It's about your stance and the way you grip the cue. It's about rehearsing the shot and flicking your eyes between cue ball and object ball. It's about cueing straight through with the correct amount of strength. It's about "break-building" - potting the object ball but also placing the cue ball in line for the next shot. It's about pin-point accuracy and "inch-perfect" positions. It's about discipline, learning from past experiences and careful judgement.

It's all an art form really. A combination of remarkable, consistent skills and unmistakable warfare instincts.

Les Feuilles Mortes

2005-10-30T17:21:00.000+08:00

Quelle tristesse...the melancholy that French jazz puts you into...sigh...

C'est une chanson qui nous ressemble
Toi tu m'aimais, moi je t'aimais

Et nous vivions tous deux ensemble
Toi qui m'aimais, moi qui t'aimais

Mais la vie sépare ceux qui s'aiment
Tout doucement, sans faire de bruit

Et la mer efface sur le sable
Les pas des amants désunis

Wot a krackuh!!!

2005-10-26T23:37:00.000+08:00

Wot a krackuh!!! Haha! Wot a fockin' good match!!! I tell you, there's no better match to watch than José Mourinho's first home defeat at Chelsea's Stamford Bridge!!! And to make it better, we were seated with the Charlton fans who simply went ballistic! Cheers of "Whereeee were you when you were shit...whereeee were you when you were shit"...and "Same old chelsea...always cheatin'...same old chelsea...always cheatin'"...and "Sit down mourinho sit down mourinho!" Hahaha...the charlton fans were hilarious!!!

And chelsea lost or not, I never knew it was that exciting to watch a match from behind the goalmouth! Just imagine the likes of Frank Lampard and Arjen Robben taking pot shots aimed at you! Or how about Joe Cole charging full speed in your direction! Or how about being 5 metres away from Hernan Crespo, or watching every Didier Drogba push and shove and shirt-tugging move every time Chelsea had a corner, or screaming out with the charlton fans behind Carlo Cudicini's ears, "You are chelsea's number TWO! You are chelsea's number TWO!!!" Hahaha...it was all just harmless fun...

At the end of a very well-worth 90mins+30mins+penalties, chelsea finally bowed out. And all the way out the Charlton fans are singing "Sha la la la la la la la...sha la la la la la la la...sha la la la la la la la...we knocked the chelsea out!!!"

No way back...

2005-10-23T20:09:00.000+08:00

Right at this moment in time I'm allowing myself to spiral down an endless and indulging crevice like an insignificant object caught up in a tempestuous whirlwind of thoughts...

Let's face it: One day the love-cynical me is going to give up on the absurd merriment and playfulness of my being single and once again embrace the desire and inclination to feel the closeness of loving and being loved again.

But surely now is too soon...?

You And Me

2005-10-22T17:18:00.000+08:00

what day is it
and in what month this clock never seemed so alive
i can't keep up
and i can't back down i've been losing so much time

cause it's you and me
and all of the people with nothing to do

nothing to lose

and it's you and me
and all of the people and i don't know why
i can't keep my eyes off of you

all of the things that i want to say
just aren't coming out right
i'm tripping inwards
you got my head spinning
i don't know where to go from here

cause it's you and me
and all of the people with nothing to do

nothing to prove

and it's you and me
and all of the people and i don't know why
i can't keep my eyes off of you

there's something about you now
i can't quite figure out
everything she does is beautiful
everything she does is right

cause it's you and me
and all of the people with nothing to do
nothing to lose
and it's you and me
and all of the people and i don't know why
i can't keep my eyes off of you and me
and all of the people with nothing to do
nothing to prove
and it's you and me
and all of the people and i don't know why
i can't keep my eyes off of you

what day is it
and in what month

this clock never seemed so alive

Fusion

2005-10-22T15:47:00.000+08:00

Breakfast for me at 3:30pm. I am so dayme tired I had to perk myself up with the best scrambled eggs in the world. Yes, once again I conclude that I have perfected the art of making 5-star hotel intercontinental breakfast scrambled eggs. They are sooooooo...nice. And don't you think the chopsticks just make the whole dish look quite fusion? Hahaha...

Talking about fusion, I had fusion dinner with Laurel at Teatro last night. Yes trinzie, Laurel Yip! The Laurel I thought was going to sadly become another one of those long lost friends. But she'd asked me out for dinner to make up for all the time we've lost touch with each other, and I could hardly refuse. The meal was decorously fusion. Through the thai salad and the main dish of rice and mangetout with my beef skewers and her coconut chicken we talked about what we've been up to the recent years. It's amazing how long she's been in London, how long she's been attached, how she's gone on to become a doctor but still aspires to be a plush tai-tai, how fast she walked and still walks, and how she actually stayed in the same hall as I did in my first year. We decided we had to organise "Raffles Night for the RJC Graduating Batch of 2000 - A decade after..." perhaps sometime in the year 2010 for everyone to get together and say "hi you! how've you been!!! it's been such a long time..."

Anyways today I'm just staying in to recuperate. I've had such a wicked week the alcohol's flooding my brain cells and the liver's giving up on me. I'm feeling quite rough and I'm hoping the sore throat stays well away ("but well," you say..."with those greasy frankfurters you're eating...")

It's about time I washed the accumulated dishes, cleared out the rubbish, put the cigarette-smoked stained clothes in the laundry, took a shower, brushed my teeth, decided on my area of research for my final year project, and organised my life a little...

To singlehood, to friendship and to our future partnership!

2005-10-21T14:17:00.000+08:00

Maddy was in London town. We both had a free day and so decided we had to meet up! She’d kindly brought me precious dairy products from Singapore which might have got her into trouble with customs. But she'd brought me the stuff anyway…and three heavy cans instead of only two I’d asked for…how sweet.

I’d gone to meet her at Gloucester Millenium, one of the three hotels they stayed at. She kindly made me coffee, and asked how many PIECES of sugar I'd like in my café. PIECES of sugar???!!! Hahaha…and then she went on inquiring about how MANY milk! How MANY milk???!!! I’m sure she made good fun serving the passengers on board her aircraft with her witty English.

She’d come to my place. It was raining typically out on the London streets so we stayed in a while and she chatted to Jan on MSN and she read TheGrafenbergSpot while I took my shower and got ready for the night out. Silly Maddy hadn’t thought she would be able to stay out late and so hadn’t brought along her clubbing clothes! We’d still go in the end…

For all her kindness I’d promised to treat her to a BIG dinner. And a BIG dinner it was. After dinner we walked around a little and we went to HMV and I confused her with my Su Doku skills and I made her very excited about my RX8. But red? Still can’t decide on red. Maddy wants it to be red but I’d probably prefer it black. Maddy was adamant and insisted on red.

Maddy makes great conversation. We talked about so much stuff. BarRoomBar at Gerrard St. looked a nice place to have a drink so we popped in and settled ourselves down in a little corner with the live jazz band playing, sipping French Martini and Cheeky Chops. I got intrigued by her businesswoman ideas and about her plans to set up a dessert restaurant. She cleverly suggested I could provide the capital investment and then help out at the restaurant by washing the dishes in a hidden kitchen corner. I thought that was a rather lovely idea and so we entered into an agreement of a future partnership.

The cushions were a little more comfortable so we moved upstairs and re-settled ourselves down with a pitcher of Bourbon Cherry Coke (two pints worth as it DID say on the menu). We talked a lot more and enjoyed being in each other’s company.

Brb closed at 11 so we went to The Gardening Club (yes Jan the gardening club). Maddy was not a bit near to "being there", so we found a spot with a pitcher (yes another pitcher) of Bay of Passion and drank and talked and grooved to the beat. Maddy had to get up at 7am for her flight back to Singapore but I insisted she enjoy the night and not worry about over-indulging on the alcohol. She was good sport, and was up for anything afterwards! And boy could she drink. Shots of Tequila, Jagameister and flaming Absinthe downed in good spirits. And she still walked in a straight line. But at least then she was in good mood to dance and dance we did. What better company could you get! I wished then that I had a thousand other friends like her.

It was late by the time we got out of gardening, and I’d gone back to Maddy’s. She painted her nails and mine too and she made me a hot cup of milo (how nice!). The night was lovely lovely...

The morning came before I knew it. But sometimes I love the morning afters because the alcohol in the brain subsides and you think and remember every moment of the crazy fun you had the night before. This time I made the coffee, with two GRAINS of sugar for Maddy’s cup and a generous amount of milk for mine. Maddy and I toasted to singlehood, to friendship and to our future partnership (yes me in that kitchen washing the sorry dishes...)

Alors, c’est pas parce que t’es chef du restaurant et je fais la vaisselle dans la cuisine que l’on est de bien amis. C’est parce que t’es gentille et charmante et t’es one of a kind. Cheers Maddy. Il faut que l’on le fasse tout encore quand tu reviens à Londres!

Miao Fongtien

2005-10-18T01:03:00.000+08:00

Miao has been over to my place a couple of times. She's you know...her usual miao self, and I always enjoyed her company. She's one of those who can go on talking forever about anything under the sky you know, and you can just sit there and listen to her go on about quitting journalism and making it big in consultancy or banking, or about british babes and boobs, or about ice-cream and mooncakes, or about which London bar to go to on wednesday nights, or about why she doesn't think it's right to move in with her new fling the japanese-portugese mixed blood...

Miao fiddles with my laptop and surfs the internet while I'm doing my sit-ups and push-ups. I'm sweating and half-naked with only my loose jeans hanging from below my hips and she doesn't give a damn about what I'm doing...which is real cool. And I'm just listening to her talk and fiddle with my laptop at the same time while I'm doing my push-ups...

Miao will open my fridge voluntarily and steal slices of honey-baked ham while I'm taking my shower. Miao will finish my Tesco's Finest Chocolate Chip Ice-cream and Miao will test my Creative I-Trigue speakers with a carelessly selected playlist of songs from my Windows Media Player and say "ooh wow these are good speakers!"...(Luckily she didn't stumble upon the XXX! Imagine how that would sound on those speakers!)

Miao was met through the ex. Miao's 25. Miao's taiwanese. Miao had me stay over at her place when I was in London in February and I'd woken up to find her asleep in her tiny panties with the politely worn shorts carelessly stripped off onto some obscure corner of her bed in the middle of the night. Miao had remained a friend although the ex was the ex. Miao had nothing to do with the breakup.

Too bad Miao's going back to Singapore soon...she's such a nice friend and companion. And at present she's only staying a bus stop away from my place! We'd have dinner sometime this week or next. Maybe Miao might come over again another time? And I'd do my sit-ups and listen to her talk about having moved in with the japanese-portugese mixed blood...

A good deed worth ₤1!

2005-10-17T11:48:00.000+08:00

*Flustered old lady with stubby fingers looks around on the ground for something...*

Me on my way back home (in that accent I could say is quite professionally cockney haha): You alright there?

Flustered old lady with stubby fingers: Well this ticket machine...it didn't take me money and I'm just tryin to getit back. You see, it's still stuckin'nere and I just can't getitout I need a stick or somethin...

Me: I could probably getitout for you. Let me see... ... There you go!

Flustered old lady looking very happy now: Oh thank you thank you so much!

*I gladly smile* =)

YX

2005-10-16T23:14:00.000+08:00

Hmm...reading yx's blog made me feel sad for phil. She really does seem to be having a lot of fun in the US. She's living a new found freedom and she's thinking maybe phil might not be the one for her...

And yet, as much as you feel sorry for phil you sort of empathise with her and what she's going through. You sort of feel there's nothing really wrong about her just enjoying herself and her life in the US. After all, it's always a great opportunity to be overseas and you don't want someone to be overseas and not enjoy him/herself for being able to be there...

And all the more the story is sad. Had a rather engaging conversation with jan about this a little earlier. And the more we talked about it the more I myself came to realise that maybe true love didn't exist at all. Two people will love each other for a lifetime only because nothing came along to disrupt the relationship and they were stuck in the moment forever. To be cynical, the two who loved each other till the day they died only did so because they were both too caught up in the moment. Living a lie? To me it seems true love is just a lie...a bloody fallacy.

More often than not, two who cried in each other's arms vowing to each other they'd stay loving each other forever until the end of time only woke up one day and realised that it wasn't going to be that way. And so it ends. For whatever the reason. But never even mind the fuckin reason. It's the same old shit I say. When it ends it ends. Fullstop. Period. So what if the two were together for 5 years, 10 years? So what if they've been married with kids? When it ends it ends. Fullstop. Period. There's nothing else to it and nothing else need be said. What memories? What feelings? What true love? What a whole lotta crap about a lifetime of committment? A whole lotta bullshit. The same old bullshit. Just two people caught up in the moment and thus said some silly things like "I'll love you till the end of time. Nothing else matters as long as we love each other."

Oh well...I'm even starting to fear that it's not just me being cynical but me realising the truth about life and about this whole lotta crap.

I mean...looking at her photos you really can't blame yx. She must be having so much fun and it's evil to restrict her from all that just because she's attached. I mean, she's only what, 23? There's so much more a guy or girl could get out of life than being stupidly attached to one other half in his/her life. And then what? One day he/she wakes up and finds out the other half is not the one. And so? Years of "true love" down the drain. All that committment and feelings for nothing at all in the end. A wasted youth. Missed opportunities because of something he/she believed was "true love". In the words of U2, got stuck in the moment and couldn't get out of it.

I'm just saying. Love is as fragile a thing as freshly frozen ice over water. Step on a soft stop and it shatters...and you plunge into the icy cold water and you freeze over and drown...

To me phil, if I could offer you my cynical piece of advice, when it comes the time bro, you just gotta let it go...if she decides you ain't the one for her, 'ere ain't nothin you can do about it man...it's perhaps time to move on...

COE!

2005-10-14T04:53:00.000+08:00

Wow just realised COE prices plunged this month! Cat A from 16.5K to 12K! Hahaha...that makes my lovely 8 128K instead of 132K! Hiakz hiakz hiakz...

But was reading this thread on the 8 forum. Quote: "I bought my RX8 at $132K with $21K COE. The COE is now $12K. So the new price should be $123K right? But MM's price is $128K which is only a $4K drop while the drop in COE is $9K. Why is the price drop not the same as the drop in COE?"

Any ideas anyone? Mazda Motors making a bigger profit from the falling COE prices?